Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes.

Communicate. Talk with your kids, whatever their ages, about why you’re moving. Always keep them informed about what’s happening, at every step.

Identify the positives of the move, but also honestly acknowledge that moving isn’t easy and will mean changes. Give them time to get used to the idea and its implications.

Encourage questions. Bite-sized pieces of info are good to give them, but they may need to ask questions to recheck things that they didn’t take in at first, or that they are worrying about.

Expect reactions. They are a natural response to changes. Talk with them and listen well.

Expect physical reactions, as well as emotional ones. Grief after a loss can express itself in such things tummy pains, headaches, upset stomach, thumb sucking or bed wetting. Also tearfulness, feeling low, changes in eating or sleeping, wanting to be close to you a lot or withdrawing, difficulty concentrating on things and playing up. This is normal.

Giving your child or teen more than their usual amount of attention, reassurance, affirmation and time can make a big difference to these kinds of reactions. If, a few weeks after the move, you’re concerned that the reactions are not shifting, or have become more serious, see your GP.

Ahead of the move help them learn about their new community and the positive things about it. Have photos, pamphlets or maps, or if possible travel to see the new place. Find out about things important to your child or teen. For example, school choices, sports facilities, youth groups or clubs, etc.

Check out books about moving from your local library, school library or bookshop. If the children are younger, read them together.

Involve them in decision-making, whenever possible. For example, where to put new things in the house, how to do their new room or what colour to paint it. Invite their ideas. Use their help.

When it comes time to leave your home, think of ways to say goodbye. Many find this helpful. It may just mean walking from room to room – alone or together. It may mean taking photos. Having a party. Perhaps leaving a card for the new owners that everyone signs. Everyone’s different, but acknowledging the change and loss openly certainly helps the process along.

On moving day… make time for each other, have treasured toys or belongings nearby, have favourite music available to play, eat a fun meal together, and sort your children’s rooms first.

Meet the Neighbours. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Introduce yourself and your children to neighbours in whatever ways work for you. It can help families feel linked in more quickly to their new community. Perhaps just knocking on a door, inviting them round or saying hello in the street or as they pass. It can feel awkward, but it can make a positive difference to settling in.

Encourage and help your children to keep in touch with old friends, as well as finding new ones. This is part of the journey, especially for teens whose peers are so important to them. Perhaps use photo albums or boards for memories, and help them link into groups and opportunities in your area so they can meet others.

Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress.

Here’s what Sue, an Auckland Mum, found out during a big move. 

“The kids were stressing out everywhere – and so was I. My teen spent all her time in her room. Late one night, in the middle of all the boxes, I realised something had to change. I needed to keep our family life as positive as possible. Over the next weeks I put more effort into things like providing snacks and meals they enjoyed, hugging my kids and smiling at them, trying to keep myself calm and organised so I didn’t freak out so often, sleeping well, and laughing as much as possible. I let each of the kids take a disposable camera around to record memories. I called a quick family meeting every night for a few minutes to take suggestions and check in on any news or decisions that had to be made. Before that the kids just felt like they were in my way or making things more complicated. Now they were part of the whole thing. It helped a lot.”