Search Results

Loss of health One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses, and grief that they can bring with them. One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses and grief that they can bring with them. What can help? A loss of health, mental health, and/or physical abilities may be gradual or sudden. What might happen next is often very uncertain. An unwell person must adjust to both physical changes and their consequences. Everyday life can become quite different. There can be all kinds of losses to adjust to. A person may lose: their old self – how they used to be (identity) their sense of control over their body or mind independence the ability to keep up regular, everyday routines, to do familiar tasks, or be in usual roles mobility the ability to drive employment and previous income, career plans opportunities to do things they’d anticipated or planned – their dreams ready access to friends, family, whānau and community previously enjoyed confidence – in themselves, in the future self-esteem privacy and dignity familiar surroundings, if a move from home is needed The grief that naturally follows such significant and life-altering losses, can take considerable time to process. Grief can start at diagnosis, but with daily reminders and frustrations about what’s been lost, or with new health issues arising or crises happening, people can feel they are in a continuous cycle of loss and grief. Despite this, sometimes their grief can go unrecognised or unacknowledged by others, who don’t realise the huge impact that a change in health can have. What can help? Any kind of loss needs acknowledging and grieving. Make time to grieve honestly for what has changed and been lost. Do it in your way. Grief is a process that helps people adjust gradually to what’s happened. There will be good days and not so good days. Be kind to yourself Express yourself. Maybe write thoughts and feelings down, use music, have conversations, get creative, cry, yell… everyone is different, but grief can bring strong, deep feelings and releasing them can be a relief Talking can help. Find someone trusted to talk to about what you’re dealing with. Perhaps a close family member or friend, a Counsellor, a doctor or health support worker, or others who have 'been there’ and know what it’s really like Use whatever stress-busting activities that have helped before, to manage stress and be willing to try some new ideas Ask for help if you need it and use all the support that’s available Keep connected with others and avoid becoming isolated. Reach out with visits or by phone, email, messaging, video chat, or even letters Your outlook matters. A positive attitude can help you look for solutions and give things a go Gratitude can help you notice the good things, in the middle of big challenges Optimism can help you find some hope Use your sense of humour and spend time with those who like to laugh and have fun Give yourself a break. Distract yourself sometimes with things you still enjoy doing Keep up routines if that helps you feel more settled Look after yourself well, every day. Get the basics right, like exercise, good sleep, and regular meals Find some extra support if you are struggling with depression or dark thoughts. You don’t need to go through this on your own. Connect with a doctor, Counsellor, support person, support group, or a helpline. You might also be interested in: Depression How to build resilience Ageing Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Loss of job Losing your job, for any reason, can be as stressful as losing a loved one. Here you can find different ideas to get you through this challenging time. Having a job is, for most people, more than just being able to provide for ourselves and our families. It is a key part of our identity. It is where we usually spend most of our time and it has a unique meaning for each person. A job is also the way in which we contribute to our community and wider society. Our employment is a big part of our self-image and being satisfied with it, has a great impact on our self-esteem and well being. It is safe to say that losing our job is overwhelming and challenging, in a way similar to a relationship breakdown, or an illness. I have lost my job: is it ok to feel like this? No one wishes to be unemployed – unless it is our decision, in which case we would call it a “sabbatical” - but sometimes we have to go through this situation, without expecting it. As with any loss, when we lose our jobs we may feel: Strong waves of feelings: anger, sadness, anxiety, fear Like your goals and/or plans are being frustrated Stress and depression symptoms Changes in our body: increased blood pressure, cholesterol, weight gain or loss, sleep disorders Lack or purpose: we have no place to go every day, it breaks our routine Lonely or socially disconnected: our work environment is a source of support and connection to others. Why is it so different for some people? Grieving after any loss differs from person to person. How big the impact of losing our job would be for us, will depend on different factors. For example: Our support network: Who do we have around us that could help? Our self-esteem: People with a healthy self-esteem and who value themselves beyond their occupation, may feel more in control and may bounce back faster The moment in our life: Are we young and living with our parents? Are we young and living by ourselves? Are we in a relationship with no children, with young children, with older children? Single, but have children or family to support? Are we of a mature age with savings? etc. Each of these situations will present a different challenge for us. What kind of job was it? First job, temporary job, part time and do we have other jobs as well? How satisfied were we with the job? Do we have savings or other sources of income to depend on? What can we do? In any of those cases, it might be useful to come up with a plan to help you build resilience and regain control over the situation. Here are some useful tips: If you are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, look for a mental health professional who can help you deal with your feelings. Talking to someone can be useful Maintain a routine: Get up at a certain time every day, exercise Accept support from friends and family: It doesn’t need to be money, you will be surprised how incredibly useful is to have someone to take the children to the playground, or preparing a meal for the family, or offering to walk your dog. Having help with the little routine tasks will give you time to focus and plan for your next steps Work with someone – A Counsellor, a therapist - this can help you identify your skills that can be useful in a new field, so you can expand your job search Network with professionals in your area: online tools and websites such as Linkedin are useful for this Spend time meeting new people: Taking up volunteer work or joining a community group will help Make a financial plan and prioritise: Be realistic and stick to your budget, and organise your income to include a small amount of “leisure pocket money”. Remember this situation will be temporary, but you need to be money-wise at the same time as being optimistic. Glass half-full Remember you have the option to see the positive in every challenge. For example, during the time between jobs you can: Spend more time with whānau and friends Learn new skills – even up-skill in your field, increasing your chances in the job search See the opportunity to evaluate your life and re-focus Be open to change: you will emerge a different person after this experience Start a savings plan, if you don’t have one. Resources and Support This experience, although it can be distressful and challenging, is not unusual. You are not alone, there are different organisations you can connect with that can support you in different ways: Skylight Counselling and Resources: Support for you and/or your family while you go through the process of leaving your job, being unemployed and finding another job. Citizen Advice Bureau : A free service that helps people know and understand their rights and obligations and how to use the information to get the best outcomes and gives them the confidence and support they need to take action. Work and Income : Access to different benefits you can apply for while looking for another job. New Zealand Now : Once you have full residency, you and your family can access the reassurance of the public welfare system that provides comprehensive support in a range of situations. You might also be interested in: Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

If you are feeling suicidal Are you finding yourself thinking about suicide? If you are concerned about your immediate safety or the safety of someone else – Ring 111 Why do I feel like this? We all experience life in different ways, how things effect us will depend on a variety of factors such as your age, support network, emotional resilience . Some of the most difficult experiences can be: experiencing bereavement loss major life stresses (e.g. a relationship breakdown, legal or financial problems) being abused (physical, emotional or sexual) being bullied or excluded chronic pain and chronic illness (including mental illness ) unemployment alcohol and drug use. It might be that you are experiencing a combination of the above in your life that is leading you to feel overwhelmed and distressed. You might be feeling so troubled that you are unable to sleep, eat, or enjoy anything. When you are in a place where you don't think you can keep going on, your thoughts might involve wishing you were dead or you may be thinking about ending your life. You might think that your family and friends would be better off without you. You may be feeling overwhelmed by situations in your life leading to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Although you may be feeling painfully alone right now, it is important for you to know that other people have been there and have had thoughts about ending their lives too. If you think that you are at immediate risk of committing suicide: call 111 and request an ambulance. Stay on the line, speak clearly, and be ready to answer the operator’s questions visit you local hospital’s emergency department call your local Public Emergency Mental Health Service or go straight to your doctor. Each of these emergency services teams are specially trained to support people in crisis, including people feeling suicidal, and are able to keep you safe. What do I do next? There are a number of services and professionals available to help you through this difficult time. There are also things you can do, to help yourself when you’re feeling distressed or overwhelmed and thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life. It is important to remember, that you are still in control of your body and your actions. With the right steps at the right time, these thoughts can, and do, go away, even if they are really full on. If you are contemplating suicide but are not thinking about harming yourself immediately, tell someone how you are feeling, even if it is hard. Talk to a close friend, whanau member, teacher or school counsellor, anyone you can trust. Call the suicide support phone lines or make an appointment with your GP/Counsellor/Mental Health Professional. It can be helpful to have a plan in place for when these thoughts come on. Samaritans - offers confidential, non religious, and non judgmental support, to anyone who may be feeling depressed lonely or even contemplating suicide. They are available 24 hours a day. Contact number 0800 726 666 Lifeline – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP) Lifeline Aotearoa’s helpline and text line provides 24/7, confidential support from qualified Counsellors and trained volunteers. Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) helpline for any person who is thinking about or attempted suicide, concerned about or supporting someone else or who is recently bereaved by suicide . Need to Talk 1737 - free call or text at any time, for support from a trained Counsellor. Remember suicidal thoughts will not go away by themselves, take them and yourself seriously. With the right support you will feel better. Skylight is here to help you navigate this difficult time. We have contract counselling services in Wellington, Porirua, Lower Hutt, Churton Park, Kāpiti, Whangarei, Auckland, New Plymouth and Christchurch and a partnership network across Aoteraroa for support in other regions. Our specialised Resource Centre and library can support you with information, publications, books and Dvds, accessible nationwide free of charge. Please follow the links to contact us for further information and access to the that support you and your whānau need. We invite you to find out about Travellers - a school based programme promoting resilience and well-being in year 9 students. You might also be interested in: Anxiety Suicide and rainbow communities How to build resilience Loss of health Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Communicate . Talk with your kids, whatever their ages, about why you’re moving. Always keep them informed about what’s happening, at every step. Identify the positives of the move , but also honestly acknowledge that moving isn’t easy and will mean changes. Give them time to get used to the idea and its implications. Encourage questions . Bite-sized pieces of info are good to give them, but they may need to ask questions to recheck things that they didn’t take in at first, or that they are worrying about. Expect reactions. They are a natural response to changes. Talk with them and listen well. Expect physical reactions , as well as emotional ones. Grief after a loss can express itself in such things tummy pains, headaches, upset stomach, thumb sucking or bed wetting. Also tearfulness, feeling low, changes in eating or sleeping, wanting to be close to you a lot or withdrawing, difficulty concentrating on things and playing up. This is normal. Giving your child or teen more than their usual amount of attention, reassurance, affirmation and time can make a big difference to these kinds of reactions. If, a few weeks after the move, you’re concerned that the reactions are not shifting, or have become more serious, see your GP. Ahead of the move help them learn about their new community and the positive things about it. Have photos, pamphlets or maps, or if possible travel to see the new place. Find out about things important to your child or teen. For example, school choices, sports facilities, youth groups or clubs, etc. Check out books about moving from your local library, school library or bookshop. If the children are younger, read them together. Involve them in decision-making , whenever possible. For example, where to put new things in the house, how to do their new room or what colour to paint it. Invite their ideas. Use their help. When it comes time to leave your home, think of ways to say goodbye. Many find this helpful. It may just mean walking from room to room – alone or together. It may mean taking photos. Having a party. Perhaps leaving a card for the new owners that everyone signs. Everyone’s different, but acknowledging the change and loss openly certainly helps the process along. On moving day … make time for each other, have treasured toys or belongings nearby, have favourite music available to play, eat a fun meal together, and sort your children’s rooms first. Meet the Neighbours. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Introduce yourself and your children to neighbours in whatever ways work for you. It can help families feel linked in more quickly to their new community. Perhaps just knocking on a door, inviting them round or saying hello in the street or as they pass. It can feel awkward, but it can make a positive difference to settling in. Encourage and help your children to keep in touch with old friend s, as well as finding new ones. This is part of the journey, especially for teens whose peers are so important to them. Perhaps use photo albums or boards for memories, and help them link into groups and opportunities in your area so they can meet others. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Here’s what Sue, an Auckland Mum, found out during a big move. “The kids were stressing out everywhere – and so was I. My teen spent all her time in her room. Late one night, in the middle of all the boxes, I realised something had to change. I needed to keep our family life as positive as possible. Over the next weeks I put more effort into things like providing snacks and meals they enjoyed, hugging my kids and smiling at them, trying to keep myself calm and organised so I didn’t freak out so often, sleeping well, and laughing as much as possible. I let each of the kids take a disposable camera around to record memories. I called a quick family meeting every night for a few minutes to take suggestions and check in on any news or decisions that had to be made. Before that the kids just felt like they were in my way or making things more complicated. Now they were part of the whole thing. It helped a lot.” You might also be interested in: Anxiety Family break-up Parenting Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Family break-up When a break up happens in the family, it can be hard on everyone, especially when there are children involved. When a family breaks up, everyone is affected. It is important to look for support for yourself and your children and teens. This can come from friends, family and whānau. It will take some adjustment to go from being a live-in family unit, to living separately, getting on as separated parents and working out mutually agreed child-care arrangements. Being partners in parenting will greatly benefit everyone involved. How parents manage a separation or divorce and how they deal with any conflicts during this time, has a big impact on how the family copes. Family break up also brings uncertainty about the future. Children and young people need the love and support from both parents, as they come to terms with the changes. They need to feel protected, safe and looked after. It is never easy making the changes to a new family routine, and sometimes it even involves moving to a new location. It can take time, and children and young people will need your support and encouragement to get used to their new life. Visit the shop for publications. You might also be interested in: Anxiety How to build resilience Parenting Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

How to build resilience “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” - Steve Maraboli What is Resilience? Resilience is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant stress, such as family or relationship problems, health challenges, workplace difficulties, or financial pressures. It is often described as “bouncing back” from hardship, learning from those experiences, and facing new challenges with greater strength. Resilience is not a rare trait. Most people demonstrate it in their everyday lives, often without realising it. Being resilient does not mean you do not experience hardship, sadness, or emotional pain. Rather, it means you have developed thoughts, behaviours, and actions that help you navigate and recover from life’s difficulties. The Foundations of Resilience A key factor in building resilience is having strong, supportive relationships within your whānau, family, friendship groups, and wider community. These connections offer encouragement, reassurance, and a stable network to lean on during tough times. Other important factors include: The ability to view crises as manageable Acceptance that change is part of life Confidence in your problem-solving skills Maintaining hope and optimism for the future Taking care of your physical, mental, social, and spiritual wellbeing Strategies to Build Resilience Everyone develops resilience differently, but the following approaches can help individuals, families, groups, and communities strengthen it: Connect with others Build and nurture relationships with whānau, friends, and colleagues. Join community groups, clubs, or volunteer organisations to expand your support network. See challenging events as something you can manage You may not control the event, but you can control your response. Focus on the fact that challenges are temporary and that you will get through them. Accept change as part of life Some goals may no longer be possible after a major change, but you can set new ones that fit your circumstances. Set realistic goals Break long-term goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate progress along the way. Take action Address problems directly rather than avoiding them. Small, proactive steps make a big difference. See opportunities in challenges Difficult times can help you discover new strengths, build skills, and deepen relationships. Think positively about yourself Trust your abilities and your capacity to solve problems. Keep things in perspective Avoid magnifying problems and consider them in a broader context. Be optimistic Expect that good things can and will happen in your life. Look after yourself Exercise, eat well, get enough rest, spend time with loved-ones, and make time for activities that restore your energy. Get to know yourself Reflect on your experiences, values, and coping strategies. Journaling or meditation can help you understand what works best for you. Expect setbacks and keep going Progress is not always smooth, but persistence builds strength. Useful links: Resilience Coping with stress - InfoAboutKids Youthsay - Resources for kaimahi working with rangatahi Self-care and managing stress and building resilience | Mind You might also be interested in: Trauma Delayed grief Loss of job Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Skylight Trust supports young people and whānau through tough times with counselling, resources, and programmes. Compassionate care that makes a difference. We’re a charity dedicated to helping young people navigate through tough times Request counselling Jacob School Counsellor "Through counselling [the child] has been able to acknowledge their fear and connect with joy, family and the other protective elements in life." Glenda Facilitator "Creative activities gave the girls space to express themselves in ways that felt safe and empowering, often opening conversations that may not have happened otherwise." Noel Student "It’s different now. Before I went to Travellers I didn’t really get along with my friends. N ow I speak up to them and I’m not invisible anymore." Counselling Supportive counselling to help individuals and families build resilience and navigate life’s challenges. Read more Programmes Practical tools and safe, supportive spaces for schools to work through change, trauma, and growth together. Read more Free resources A curated collection of free guides and tools to foster resilience, inspire hope, and support families. Read more We are here for you We offer specialised information to help you move through challenging times. Loss and grief Trauma Relationships Mental health Neurodiversity Family change Suicide prevention See more Need support? Contact our support services or a crisis helpline Find out more Guide for parents and carers Guide for schools Guide for young people Announcements Pou Ārahi Skylight Trust is seeking a passionate and experienced Pou Ārahi to guide and strengthen our cultural journey. This is a unique opportunity to lead with heart and uphold tikanga Māori across our services supporting children, young people, and their whānau through grief, trauma, and tough times. For more information, click here . About Skylight Skylight is a registered charity, supporting people through tough times with tailored resources, resilience programmes, and training. We believe that with the right support, anyone can find hope and strength. Ngā Whainga – Vision In Aotearoa tamariki and rangatahi are empowered to thrive. Tā mātou whakatakanga – Mission Guiding tamariki and rangatahi hauora through responsive, informed and effective practice. Read our story 24k+ Hours of therapy each year 400+ Families supported per month 200+ Schools running our programmes Stories of hope and resilience Over the past 25 years, we’ve supported thousands of rangatahi through life’s challenges, from grief and loss to family changes, anxiety, and identity. Each journey is unique, and we’re grateful to those who’ve shared their experiences. Here are just a few of their stories. Discover their stories McKay's story Brittany's story Trevney's story Melissa's story Make a donation Support a young person’s journey to resilience and hope by donating to Skylight. Donate Get involved From fundraising, to partnering with us, or even working directly with us, there are many ways to get involved. Learn more Subscribe to our newsletter Be part of our journey with updates, insights, and opportunities delivered to your inbox Email address* Subscribe Browse our online shop We sell publications designed for building resilience in children, young people, families and communities Shop now Many thanks to our funders and supporters To see all of our supporters, click here.

We can’t find the page you’re looking for This page doesn’t exist. Go to Home and keep exploring. Go to Home

Relationships Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Parenting Parenting is one of the most rewarding, challenging, joyous and frustrating experiences that we can have. Read more Explore all resources

Skylight is here to help you through difficult times. We can assist you in a variety of ways with information appropriate for your situation. Articles Choose a topic and browse the full range of articles available Depression Depression is a common illness and needs to be taken seriously. It affects how you feel, the way you think, and the way you act. Read more Loss of a pet For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. Read more Trauma Trauma is a response to either a one-time event or to many adverse experiences over time. Read more Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a difference in how the brain develops and functions. Read more How to talk to children about death What is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Read more Anxiety Anxiety is a natural part of how our body prepares for challenges, but when it becomes overwhelming or constant, it can impact daily life and wellbeing. Read more If you are feeling suicidal Are you finding yourself thinking about suicide? Read more Family break-up When a break up happens in the family, it can be hard on everyone, especially when there are children involved. Read more Suicide and rainbow communities Aotearoa has the highest rate of youth suicide in the developed world, with rates for LGBTQI+ people, even higher. Read more Abusive relationships Partner abuse is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Read more Bereavement When someone close to you dies Read more How to build resilience “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” - Steve Maraboli Read more Parenting Parenting is one of the most rewarding, challenging, joyous and frustrating experiences that we can have. Read more Loss of health One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses, and grief that they can bring with them. Read more Ageing As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. Read more Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Read more Delayed grief The natural grief process helps us adjust to loss. Delayed grief means the grief process hasn’t started or is stuck. This can be for a variety of reasons. Read more Loss of job Losing your job, for any reason, can be as stressful as losing a loved one. Here you can find different ideas to get you through this challenging time. Read more Select a topic Select Topic Select Subtopic

Explore Skylight's free articles, webinars & videos on grief, trauma, resilience & change — support for tamariki, rangatahi & whānau navigating tough times Loss and grief Trauma Relationships Mental health Neurodiversity Family change Suicide prevention Resources Articles, webinars, and videos designed to support individuals, families, and communities navigating grief, trauma, and significant life changes. To request a support pack, please complete this form . Articles Explore all articles Depression Depression is a common illness and needs to be taken seriously. It affects how you feel, the way you think, and the way you act. Read more Loss of a pet For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. Read more Trauma Trauma is a response to either a one-time event or to many adverse experiences over time. Read more Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a difference in how the brain develops and functions. Read more Webinars Explore all webinars Practical Strategies for Self-Care and Resilience This is the third and final instalment of Skylight's webinar partnership with the Child Cancer Foundation. Watch now Parenting through Grief This resource was developed for parents who are supporting their child living with cancer, or who have lost a child to cancer. Watch now Grief 101 for Parents A basic understanding of grief and how to cope when you are grieving. Watch now The Power of Journaling Participants will be taken on a journey of positive thinking, problem solving, mindfulness and self-care. Watch now Videos Explore all videos Trevney shares his story This webisode features Trevney sharing his story of how he has survived suicide or lost a friend or whānau member to suicide – it is for rangatahi by rangatahi. The personal experiences shared in the following video may be disturbing for some viewers as he talks about suicide. Watch now Journeys Through Methamphetamine Addiction Skylight Trust with funding from The Vodafone Foundation, has produced a web series that portrays the personal stories of four individuals through their addiction to Methamphetamine. They tell of how their addiction affected them, their tamariki, rangatahi and whānau. Watch now Matty - Resilience Web Series Here’s Matty in our resilience web series. Matty explains how surrounding himself with friends and family made him a happier person. Finding people with similar goals as you allows you to work together and push each other. Matty makes the connection between physical wellbeing and resiliency. Watch now Mana - Resilience Web Series Introducing Mana who explains that having a good support system helps you to grow and get through tough times. To be resilient, Mana thinks you have to be self-aware and real with yourself and others. Watch now

Mental health Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Depression Depression is a common illness and needs to be taken seriously. It affects how you feel, the way you think, and the way you act. Read more Anxiety Anxiety is a natural part of how our body prepares for challenges, but when it becomes overwhelming or constant, it can impact daily life and wellbeing. Read more How to build resilience “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” - Steve Maraboli Read more Explore all resources