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Heart Song A bereaved parents' support group in Wellington. Heart Song is a facilitated group in the Wellington region for parents who have experienced the death of a child, no matter how old that child was, and whether this has happened recently or a long time ago. The death of a child is a unique loss which changes the lives of their parents forever. This support group was started by bereaved parents so that those who have experienced this agonising loss can know that they are not alone. The group offers understanding, friendship, hope and a place to talk about your child and your loss. Helpful information and ideas for dealing with grief and everyday situations are often discussed. Everyone is most welcome. 2026 meeting dates: 10 December 2025 11 February 2026 11 March 08 April 13 May 10 June 08 July 12 August 09 September 14 October 11 November 09 December Where and what time Skylight Trust office: Level 3 39 Webb Street Te Aro Wellington From 7.15 p.m. for coffee, meeting from 7.30 p.m. - 9 p.m. [email protected] You might also be interested in: Parenting Through Separation

Loss of health One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses, and grief that they can bring with them. One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses and grief that they can bring with them. What can help? A loss of health, mental health, and/or physical abilities may be gradual or sudden. What might happen next is often very uncertain. An unwell person must adjust to both physical changes and their consequences. Everyday life can become quite different. There can be all kinds of losses to adjust to. A person may lose: their old self – how they used to be (identity) their sense of control over their body or mind independence the ability to keep up regular, everyday routines, to do familiar tasks, or be in usual roles mobility the ability to drive employment and previous income, career plans opportunities to do things they’d anticipated or planned – their dreams ready access to friends, family, whānau and community previously enjoyed confidence – in themselves, in the future self-esteem privacy and dignity familiar surroundings, if a move from home is needed The grief that naturally follows such significant and life-altering losses, can take considerable time to process. Grief can start at diagnosis, but with daily reminders and frustrations about what’s been lost, or with new health issues arising or crises happening, people can feel they are in a continuous cycle of loss and grief. Despite this, sometimes their grief can go unrecognised or unacknowledged by others, who don’t realise the huge impact that a change in health can have. What can help? Any kind of loss needs acknowledging and grieving. Make time to grieve honestly for what has changed and been lost. Do it in your way. Grief is a process that helps people adjust gradually to what’s happened. There will be good days and not so good days. Be kind to yourself Express yourself. Maybe write thoughts and feelings down, use music, have conversations, get creative, cry, yell… everyone is different, but grief can bring strong, deep feelings and releasing them can be a relief Talking can help. Find someone trusted to talk to about what you’re dealing with. Perhaps a close family member or friend, a Counsellor, a doctor or health support worker, or others who have 'been there’ and know what it’s really like Use whatever stress-busting activities that have helped before, to manage stress and be willing to try some new ideas Ask for help if you need it and use all the support that’s available Keep connected with others and avoid becoming isolated. Reach out with visits or by phone, email, messaging, video chat, or even letters Your outlook matters. A positive attitude can help you look for solutions and give things a go Gratitude can help you notice the good things, in the middle of big challenges Optimism can help you find some hope Use your sense of humour and spend time with those who like to laugh and have fun Give yourself a break. Distract yourself sometimes with things you still enjoy doing Keep up routines if that helps you feel more settled Look after yourself well, every day. Get the basics right, like exercise, good sleep, and regular meals Find some extra support if you are struggling with depression or dark thoughts. You don’t need to go through this on your own. Connect with a doctor, Counsellor, support person, support group, or a helpline. You might also be interested in: Depression How to build resilience Ageing Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Te Ataahia Hurihanganui Pou Ārahi | Cultural Advisor About me Iwi: Rangitāne, Ngāti Hāmua, Ngāti Kahungunu-ki-Wairarapa, Ngāti Ira, Ngāti Tahu-Ngāti Whāoa, Tūhourangi-Ngāti Wāhiao, Ngāti Whakaue, Ngāti Te Roro-o-te-Rangi As a Māmā and the Founding Director of Reo Rua Ltd., I’m dedicated to the wellbeing of tamariki, whānau, and communities through mātauranga-based, Tiriti-led practice. With over a decade leading transformative education and learning opportunities, and recent experience working cross-sector as a Cultural Advisor, I’m drawn to Skylight’s commitment to holistic care and aspire to supporting and strengthening its kaupapa however I can. Mauri tū, mauri ora! Next Previous

How to talk to children about death What is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Whether it is a close family member who has died or someone they don't personally know, like a famous person - children experience death and parents will be asked about it. But what is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Many parents worry about getting it wrong, but honest answers, concrete terminology and empathy go a long way, 'We don't want them trying to figure it out for themselves.' Benjamin Jensen is a grief counsellor at Skylight - Listen to his interview as he discusses how to talk to children about death with Kathryn Ryan on Radio NZ. Here is a summary of the conversation below: Kathryn Ryan Today we’re looking at the tricky subject of death, and how parents can talk to their children about it. When someone dies — whether it’s a close family member, a parent or grandparent, or even a famous person the child doesn’t personally know — children will have questions. Parents may also be managing their own grief, so what’s the right thing to say? Benjamin Jensen is a grief counsellor at Skylight Trust, an organisation that helps families dealing with loss. Benjamin, good morning. Benjamin Jensen Kia ora, thank you very much for having me. When children first encounter death Kathryn Ryan For young children who haven’t had a close experience of death, where do you begin? Benjamin Jensen It depends on age. Very young children who aren’t verbal will experience grief physically — stomach pains, crying more, clinginess. What they need is comfort. As they get older and develop language, you can start to explain what’s happening. I always encourage parents to weave in simple, age-appropriate language. Specifically, when talking about death, we recommend using words like death and dying . Euphemisms such as passed away or gone to the other side can be confusing for young children. Understanding death Kathryn Ryan When do children first have a concept of death? Benjamin Jensen It varies. The more exposure they have to the concept, the sooner they may begin to understand it. But many don’t fully grasp the permanence of death until around four to six years old, sometimes later. Even then, they may ask the same questions repeatedly: What is death? How long does someone die for? They’re trying to make sense of it. Kathryn Ryan So if a four- or six-year-old asks, “What is death?”, what’s the best way to answer? Benjamin Jensen Be honest, keep it simple: “Death usually happens when someone is very old or very sick. When that happens, their body stops working and their brain stops working. That means they have died and won’t come back.” If there’s a cultural or spiritual belief in your family, you can build on that, but the basic explanation needs to be clear and concrete. Balancing honesty and comfort Kathryn Ryan Parents sometimes want to soften the blow, saying things like, Nana is looking down on you from heaven. Are you saying children need a clear physiological explanation as well? Benjamin Jensen Yes. It’s fine to share spiritual beliefs, but children also need to understand that death is final, and that the person can’t come back. Otherwise they may misinterpret. If we say someone has gone for a long sleep , children may think they can wake them up, or that the person is choosing not to wake because of something the child did. That can cause guilt or fear. Clear language helps prevent that. First experiences of death Kathryn Ryan Sometimes a child’s first experience of death is a pet dying, or finding a dead animal. Is this often how the concept begins? Benjamin Jensen Yes, absolutely. Or they may see it on the news, or hear about a celebrity who has died. These are opportunities to normalise the conversation. You might say, “This animal was very old or sick, and when that happens, they die.” Some families choose to bury a pet, which helps make sense of the process. When young people die Kathryn Ryan It isn’t always older people who die. How do you talk about that when it’s a child at school, or a young family member? Benjamin Jensen That’s when the conversations become more specific. If someone younger dies of cancer, for example, you can say: “They had a disease, and their body couldn’t fight it anymore, so they died.” Then follow up with reassurance: “That’s why we see doctors, to check we’re healthy. You’re healthy, we’re looking after you, and we’ll keep seeing the doctor to look after ourselves too.” Reassurance and honesty Kathryn Ryan But children might worry if they haven’t been to the doctor that week — Am I going to die? How do you reassure without promising something you can’t? Benjamin Jensen You can explain that sometimes — but not often — people get sick or have accidents. It doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, we feel sad. Then reassure them: “We don’t expect this to happen to you. You’re healthy, and we’re here to look after you.” As children grow older Kathryn Ryan As children move into primary school and beyond, they may want more information about what caused a death. How do you explain that? Benjamin Jensen From around six onwards, children often want more detail. Take a heart attack, for example. Instead of just saying “heart attack,” which sounds frightening, you could say: “It means something went wrong with their heart, and it stopped working. When the heart stops, the body and brain stop too, and the person dies.” Then you can reassure them by listening to their heartbeat and showing them they’re healthy. Constant reassurance is important. Preparing children for an expected death Kathryn Ryan How do you prepare a child for the death of a beloved grandparent who is very unwell? Benjamin Jensen There’s no perfect timing. Parents often worry about getting it wrong, but as long as you’re being honest and giving clear answers, you’re doing the right thing. You don’t need to over-explain medically — just say what’s happening in simple terms. Kathryn Ryan And again, you’re big on using the word die . Benjamin Jensen Yes. Euphemisms like passed away or lost can create confusion. Children might think the person has gone somewhere else or can be found. Being clear helps them understand and prepares them for what’s happening. Grief and children Kathryn Ryan How do you talk about grief itself with children? Benjamin Jensen Children often move in and out of grief quickly — upset one moment, back to playing the next. They may also show grief through behaviour, like anger or acting out. Grief can sometimes be delayed. What’s important is to validate their feelings: “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. We’re here if you want to talk.” Don’t tell them what they should feel. Teenagers and grief Kathryn Ryan What should people expect with adolescents? Benjamin Jensen Every teenager is unique, but common patterns include withdrawing or avoiding talking about it because of social stigma. They may worry about sharing grief with peers. They might also experience strong emotions or pull away from family. The best approach is a gentle invitation to talk, without pressure, and to make sure they know where support is available. Should children attend funerals? Kathryn Ryan Is there ever a time when a child is too young to go to a funeral? Benjamin Jensen Not necessarily. It depends on the family and whether they can support the child during the day. I’ve seen two-year-olds at funerals. They may say things like “Granddad is going in the ground,” and that’s okay. Being part of the ritual helps them understand and validates their feelings. If it’s not possible, that’s okay too — but where possible, it’s valuable for children to be included. Supporting parents Kathryn Ryan This must be even harder for parents when they’re grieving themselves. Benjamin Jensen Yes, which is why it’s so important to lean on your support networks — family, friends, community — to help with practical needs. That way, parents can focus on being emotionally present for their children. Neurodiverse children Kathryn Ryan Is the approach different for neurodivergent children? Benjamin Jensen I’m not a specialist in neurodiverse grief, but in general, clear and concrete language is still important. Give them space and time, encourage them to ask clarifying questions, and reassure them. Grief is a natural process. Some children need more support, but humans are generally capable of working through it, especially with care around them. Final thoughts Kathryn Ryan Thank you, Benjamin. Benjamin Jensen Thank you. Skylight Trust has resources and counselling available, and people are welcome to reach out if they’d like support. You might also be interested in: Bereavement at different ages and stages Bereavement Parenting Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Jenny Devine Clinical Advisor | Kaiwhirinaki Haumanu About me Kia ora ko Jenny Devine toku ingoa. I am a registered educational psychologist and the Clinical Advisor for Skylight Trust. While completing my teaching qualification in 2007, I became interested in the needs of students with behaviour and learning challenges. I have since worked in a variety of roles within the education sector including Teacher Aide, Early Childhood and Primary School Teacher, Resource Teacher of Learning and Behaviour (RTLB), and as a Psychologist with the Ministry of Education. I have also worked as a contractor with ACC and in private practice specialising in learning disability assessments. Next Previous

Loss and grief Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Bereavement at different ages and stages Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief. Read more Loss of a pet For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. Read more How to talk to children about death What is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Read more Bereavement When someone close to you dies Read more Loss of health One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses, and grief that they can bring with them. Read more Ageing As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. Read more Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Read more Delayed grief The natural grief process helps us adjust to loss. Delayed grief means the grief process hasn’t started or is stuck. This can be for a variety of reasons. Read more Loss of job Losing your job, for any reason, can be as stressful as losing a loved one. Here you can find different ideas to get you through this challenging time. Read more Explore all resources

Guide for schools Whether you're supporting an individual student or your whole school community, Skylight offers practical, evidence-informed programmes and resources to build resilience and wellbeing. We're here to partner with you in creating safe, supportive environments for tamariki and rangatahi. Schools play a vital role in supporting the emotional wellbeing of students — and we’re here to help you do that with confidence and care. Skylight partners with schools across Aotearoa to support students facing grief, loss, trauma, and life’s big transitions. We offer a suite of evidence-informed tools and programmes that help young people build resilience, express their emotions, and feel less alone. Our most well-known programme, Travellers , is designed for Year 9 students and is delivered by trained school staff in small group settings. We provide professional development and facilitator training for teachers, counsellors, and school staff, equipping them with the knowledge and resources to support students effectively. Once trained, your team will gain access to our facilitator library — a growing collection of session plans, worksheets, videos, and wellbeing tools. Skylight also offers tailored support for school communities experiencing critical incidents, bereavement, or collective trauma. Whether you're responding to a specific event or looking to strengthen your whole-school approach to mental wellbeing, we can work alongside you to find the right fit. If you're interested in bringing Travellers to your school, accessing resources, or exploring how Skylight can support your staff and students, we’d love to kōrero. You might also be interested in: Professional development opportunities Guide for young people Guide for parents and carers Other organisations that can help Request a support pack

Parenting Parenting is one of the most rewarding, challenging, joyous and frustrating experiences that we can have. Whatever age or stage your child is at, communication is key, and good communication is paramount. This is especially true with teenagers and young adults. Many people say there is a lot more conflict between parents and their children once they reach the teenage years and into young adulthood. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, but conflict can increase during times of change. As children grow into young adults, there is a lot of change both physically and emotionally/mentally. It can be hard to find a new way of communicating with the young adult that was once your child. Tips on how to communicate with your teenager/young adult: praise and encourage your teen tell them you love them be honest with them don't yell at them let them form their own opinions help them solve their problems, but don't do it for them keep talking to them let them know that they are enough timing - pick your moment to tackle an issue with them be mindful of your body language be willing to understand the situation before acting learn the art of self control encourage appropriate expressions of anger be willing to be disliked sometimes - you can't always be their best friend. Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. It is really important to look after yourself as well, you can't possibly expect to be a great parent if you are running on empty all the time. Being a teenager today is hard - the introduction of social media and the expectations that we place on ourselves makes growing up harder than ever. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a professional to find out how they can help. Counselling for your teen and yourself may help to open communications channels again. You might also be interested in: Bullying ADHD Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) How to talk to children about death Anxiety Family break-up Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Organise your own fundraising event Have a look around at what others are doing and get inspired. There are so many ways that you could fundraise to support the work of Skylight. No matter what you choose to do, you can know that every little bit of money raised will make a positive difference to children, young people and whānau in our communities. You can set yourself a challenge, whether it is to complete a run or bike ride or give something up for a while. You could hold a sausage sizzle or bake sale; run a movie night; host a quiz night, arrange a garden tour, an auction, or a coffee morning. Have a look at what others are doing or check out this list of fundraising ideas and get inspired. Let us know your plans When you decide what fundraising activity or event you are going to do, please get in touch with us so we can talk about how we can support you, while you are supporting us. Some things that could help Set up a fundraising page on Givealittle This will make it easy for you to tell people what you’re doing and why, and collect donations. Your supporters will get a tax receipt for their donation immediately and the money will be direct credited into our bank account, so you don’t have to worry about depositing it into our account. Ask us about fundraising tips and tricks. We could give you advice on how to organise an event, getting others to support you, getting permits from your local council, ways to promote your event, collecting and banking the money, and more. There are lots of people at Skylight who can’t wait to help you with your fundraising ideas. A few things to keep in mind Have fun! Choose something that you, your friends, whānau and people you know will enjoy doing. Know your limits – whatever you choose to do can be as big or small as you want, please make sure it is something you can do. No fundraising event is too small and small amounts really do add up to help us support children, young people, their whānau and communities when they need our help. Tell people why you are fundraising – your fundraising event will be a great opportunity to tell people about Skylight and what we do, while you are having fun. You might also be interested in: Our story Advocacy Contact us Fundraising ideas Get involved

Waves Waves is an eight week programme that aims to support adults aged 18 and older who have been bereaved by suicide. The programme combines learning about suicide and bereavement, with group discussion and support. The group is facilitated by two trained facilitators over eight weeks and supports members to: meet and share with others who are also experiencing the impact of suicide explore aspects of their grief and reduce isolation and stigma associated with bereavement by suicide in a safe and supportive environment get information and strategies about how to care for themselves and others (including children and young people), after a suicide adjust to living with loss and moving forward While Skylight is no longer running Waves or training facilitators , the programme continues to be offered throughout Aotearoa. Please connect with Tony's Place to learn more about Waves facilitator training opportunities and visit the Mental Health Foundation for current Waves groups. Upcoming Dates | Areas Henderson, Tamaki Makaurau - eight weeks commencing 4th February 6.30pm - 8.30pm - to express your interest in attending please contact Christine Jones [email protected] You might also be interested in: Sound Bridge

Our story From grief to growth, darkness to light — Skylight has been walking alongside Aotearoa through life’s toughest moments for nearly three decades. Ngā Whainga – Vision: In Aotearoa tamariki and rangatahi are empowered to thrive. Tā mātou whakatakanga – Mission: Guiding tamariki and rangatahi hauora through responsive, informed and effective practice. Humble Beginnings Skylight began with a simple but powerful idea: no child or young person in Aotearoa should face grief, loss, or trauma alone. In the late 1990s, when a children’s bereavement support group in Wellington closed its doors, a small group of committed professionals stepped forward to create something new. They envisioned an organisation that would not only respond to the pain of loss, but also restore hope, resilience, and connection. In 1996, this vision became reality. The Children’s Grief Centre Charitable Trust was formed, later becoming known simply as Skylight . From the beginning, our work was grounded in deep community consultation, thoughtful leadership, and a steadfast belief that grief support should be accessible, inclusive, and empowering. Our first Chief Executive, Bice Awan, launched the organisation from the floor of an unfurnished office with a single heater and mobile phone—guided by a big heart and bigger ambition. Over the following two decades, Skylight grew from a grassroots initiative into a national centre of excellence for grief, loss, and trauma support. We established counselling services, a resource and information centre, training programmes, and published dozens of tools and handbooks for professionals and families alike. From tailored support packs to best-selling grief workbooks, our resources have been used in homes, schools, workplaces, and communities throughout New Zealand—and beyond. A major milestone came in 2001 with the creation of the Travellers programme, a school-based initiative helping Year 9 students navigate change, build resilience, and talk about what really matters. Developed in partnership with youth experts and the Ministry of Health, Travellers became a cornerstone of Skylight’s youth support work—rolled out across hundreds of schools and celebrated by students who said it helped them "talk about difficult stuff" and "think differently." Standing With Communities in Crisis Over the years, Skylight has responded to some of New Zealand's most painful moments—supporting those affected by natural disasters, suicide, family trauma, and tragedy. From Christchurch earthquakes to the Pike River mine disaster, we’ve created resources, counselling support, and training for those at the frontline and those left behind. Our international work has extended to Australia, Denmark, and Saudi Arabia. Skylight was one of New Zealand's early adopters of the social enterprise model—balancing a deep social mission with income generation to ensure sustainability. This approach allowed us to grow while remaining nimble, responding quickly to emerging needs and funding realities without compromising on care. Our story is a collective one. From early board members and student volunteers to designers, counsellors, creatives and community leaders, Skylight has been shaped by the generosity and belief of hundreds of people. We’ve also been fortunate to have Patrons such as Judy Bailey and Louise Nicholas lend their mana and support to our work. In 2015, Heather Henare became Chief Executive, bringing fresh energy, systems thinking, and a strong grounding in social work and women’s advocacy. Under her leadership, we modernised our systems, refreshed our premises, and laid foundations for the future—ensuring Skylight could meet the needs of a changing Aotearoa. What We Do Today At Skylight Trust, we empower tamariki and rangatahi to thrive by supporting their mental health and emotional wellbeing. Every year, we walk alongside thousands of individuals and whānau through counselling, group programmes, tailored resources, training, and digital tools. We work in partnership with schools, workplaces, government, and community organisations to ensure support is available wherever it’s needed – whether in a therapy room, a rural classroom, or online. Our mission is to guide tamariki and rangatahi hauora through responsive, informed, and effective practice. At our heart, we are hope brokers – people who help others find light in the dark. We know that trauma, grief, loss – and challenges to mental health – can change a life. But with the right support, so can hope. Learn more To follow our first 20 years, download Skylight History: The First 20 Years. You might also be interested in: Our impact Our partners Contact us Work with us Organise your own fundraising event Fundraising ideas Get involved

Professional development opportunities Our team offers tailored training and presentations designed to meet the needs of agencies, organisations, and professionals working with children, young people, and families. What We Offer At Skylight, we believe in empowering professionals and communities with the knowledge and tools to support resilience and wellbeing through life’s toughest times. We deliver engaging, evidence-informed sessions on topics such as: Grief, loss, and trauma-informed practice Supporting children and young people through change Building resilience in families and communities Mental wellbeing and emotional literacy Responding to distress and crisis situations Our presentations can be adapted to suit your audience, whether you're a school, health provider, NGO, government agency, or community group. Customised Presentations We work with you to understand your needs and tailor our content accordingly. To request a presentation, please complete our Presentation Request Form and email it to [email protected] . This form helps us gather key details such as: Your organisation’s context and goals Preferred date, time, and location Audience size and age group Technical requirements (e.g., PowerPoint, presentation display setup or screen-sharing capability) Any sensitive topics or support needs We’ll review your request and get in touch to confirm details and discuss next steps. Upcoming Webinars and Events We’re excited to be developing a series of webinars and online workshops that will be available for registration in the near future. These sessions will offer accessible, high-quality professional development opportunities - some free, some paid - on topics relevant to our work. Stay tuned for updates! Costs and Funding Skylight presentations are offered at a cost to help us sustain our services. Please include funding details in your request form. If cost is a barrier, let us know - we are happy to work with you to progress your request. Contact Us If you have questions or would like to discuss a potential training opportunity before submitting a form, feel free to get in touch with our team at [email protected] . You might also be interested in: Guide for schools Other organisations that can help Contact us Work with us Get involved