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Kathryn Ross CEO | Tumu Whakarae About me After more than 30 years in local and central government in a variety of roles. I joined Skylight because of its mission and values. I love the for-purpose sector and I’m very proud to lead the team. I am committed to improving the lives of tamariki and rangatahi across the motu, empowering our people and the equitable achievement of hauora. I’m very lucky to have a loving (and patient) husband and two wonderful children. Away from the office, I enjoy catching up with whānau and friends, spending time in nature, great coffee, pinot and travel. Next Previous

Webinars Browse our webinars below. To explore our full collection of resources, click here . Practical Strategies for Self-Care and Resilience This is the third and final instalment of Skylight's webinar partnership with the Child Cancer Foundation. Watch now Parenting through Grief This resource was developed for parents who are supporting their child living with cancer, or who have lost a child to cancer. Watch now Grief 101 for Parents A basic understanding of grief and how to cope when you are grieving. Watch now The Power of Journaling Participants will be taken on a journey of positive thinking, problem solving, mindfulness and self-care. Watch now Good Mood and Food This session will guide students from years 7, 8 and 9 (11-13 years old), through an informative session on the mind and body connection in relation to our food choices, how we process our thoughts and the importance of movement. Watch now Counselling... what is it all about? Meeting someone new can be a bit scary sometimes. We might not know what to expect and what the person is expecting of us. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have some information before you meet someone new. Watch now Is a Worry Worrying You? An introduction to understanding worries and anxiety Watch now What is trauma? This webinar is presented by Roni who is a Strategic Interventionist/Relationship Educator and works within a trauma-informed practice. Her expertise covers such topics as attachment, addiction, trauma, emotional intelligence, and raising emotionally healthy children in today's stressful society. Watch now

Maria Mitimeti Trustee | Mema o te Poari About me "As a mum I’m profoundly connected to the work that Skylight does. Grief and loss can be crippling. While from a cultural perspective grieving is done as a collective, and there are structures in place, we all need help to navigate the individual part of grief and loss. And we must remove the stigma around asking for help, especially for kids. I gravitated towards Skylight because I wanted to make a contribution to a better future for tamariki and rangatahi. I want to help our kids navigate the challenging times in their lives so they can continue to thrive." Maria is a leader with extensive public service experience – both at the Board level and as an Executive. A passionate advocate for better outcomes for Pasifika, Maria connected deeply with the kaupapa of Skylight. She sees an opportunity for Skylight to be innovative and lead. Next Previous

Akasha Te Amo Liana Rio Trustee | Mema o te Poari About me "I understand what it is to go through grief, loss and cycles of mental health. I support the kaupapa, its focus on tamariki and rangatahi and the importance of Skylight’s work. I am also passionate about Te Tiriti o Waitangi, how we address mental health using a Te Triti-based model, and the journey Skylight is on to become a Te Tiriti-based organisation. I am here to learn from the rangatira on the Board and ensure that Skylight has long term aspirations and intergenerational impact." Akasha was drawn to the Board because the people on the Board are passionate about the Skylight staff and the clients and want to make a difference. She wants to go beyond the Crown-Māori relationship and see an authentic understanding of Te Tiriti throughout all facets of society. Akasha has a Masters Degree in Māori/Pacific and Indigenous People’s Law, a Bachelor of Laws, and a Bachelor of Social Sciences. Next Previous

Ageing As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. Aging is a normal stage of life, with many gains and things to enjoy. However, it brings challenges too. We know that older people face gradual physical changes, but the challenges of aging aren’t only physical. Aging involves a succession of changes and losses, big and small, which can be gradual or sudden. Consequently, older people continually need to adjust. It can feel like they have less and less control over how they want things to be. What’s been lost, can be hard to come to terms with. Such losses naturally affect how people see themselves and their lives, as well as their levels of self-confidence, mood and outlook, overall well-being, and sense of future. Common losses include: The end of employed work after retirement or job loss. This can also mean a changed daily routine, not seeing workmates as before, and needing a new sense of purpose. Financial changes . For most, income levels will decrease when work finishes. Financial worries may increase, with limited dollars to fund current and future needs. Changes in one’s physical body and health . Health challenges typically increase with age. As the physical body ages, people commonly begin to encounter changes in abilities such as eyesight, hearing, balance, continence, or mobility. Loss of memory . It becomes harder to remember things, even if the information is important. This can be very frustrating. Dementia can complicate this further. Loss of independence . A new reliance on others to assist with daily life, and not always being able to do what they want, when they want, how they want. People may need to stop driving. They may need others for the most personal care and hygiene routines. Loss of familiar surroundings. People might need to move away from a home they have lived in for a long time, or from one they do not want to leave. They may also need to give away personal possessions they’re unable to keep. Loss of friends and family . There can be changes in the circle of friends and family. Others may now live at a distance and visit less, or older friends may become ill themselves and unable to keep in touch, and perhaps loved ones may die. Also, older people can become socially isolated if they are less able to join in with life as before. Loss of respect . After years of contributing to family, whānau, and community, as well as being employers or employees, older people can feel side-lined, without status, and less respected. What can help? People respond in individual ways to life challenges. To be in a good position to deal with whatever comes with aging, it can help to: draw on your internal resilience (what attitudes and coping strategies have worked well for you before?) be willing to try new ways of doing things and problem-solve as positively as possible honestly acknowledge challenges and losses, so they can be faced make time to grieve losses in your own way – grief is a normal healing process that can help you gradually adjust to changes communicate how you’re thinking and feeling, and what you’re needing – find someone you trust to talk to when things feel hard or overwhelming, such as your GP, a good friend, a caregiver, a Counsellor, or perhaps call a helpline express and release what’s building up inside (e.g. talk, cry, share memory stories, write down troubling thoughts and feelings, or play music that reflects your mood, walk it out) look after yourself well every day, paying attention to getting some exercise, good rest, and having a nutritious diet keep connected with others – make time to be social and keep in touch with friends and family often use your sense of humour and spend time with those who laugh and have fun do enjoyable things and go to enjoyable places that lift your spirit ask a friend to support you at events or appointments that are stressful for you use your abilities and strengths, whatever age you are, to contribute to things and give you a sense of achievement do things that are meaningful for you or have a sense of purpose find some ways to support others who are finding things challenging too remember the good things life has taught you and brought you ask for help when you need it see a GP about any health or mental health concerns. You might also be interested in: How to build resilience Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Di Duncan Finance Officer | Kaiwhakahaere – Pūtea About me Di Duncan, Skylight Finance Officer. I am from the UK but relocated to New Zealand a few years ago. I have had a diverse global background working in both public and private sector. From banking and marketing to education and even as a Coroner's Support Officer. When I’m not crunching numbers, you might find me in the kitchen whipping up a treat for my colleagues or building the rather impressive Lego collection I have. Colleagues would probably say I am up for a challenge (within reason!) and ready with a laugh. Next Previous

Mental health Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Depression Depression is a common illness and needs to be taken seriously. It affects how you feel, the way you think, and the way you act. Read more Anxiety Anxiety is a natural part of how our body prepares for challenges, but when it becomes overwhelming or constant, it can impact daily life and wellbeing. Read more How to build resilience “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” - Steve Maraboli Read more Explore all resources

Bereavement at different ages and stages Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief. This resource walks through what grief can look like for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school children, older children and teenagers. It also offers clear, age-appropriate ideas to help you support them. How any child or young person grieves when someone they love has died will depend on many things, such as their: age gender their developmental stage personality ways they usually react to 'big feelings’ relationship with the person who has died earlier experiences of loss or death family circumstances how others around them are grieving amount of support around them. Babies, children and teenagers may appear to not be impacted by the loss, so adults can assume they are not impacted or processing it. They are, but in their own ways including playing or doing activities that are unexpected. Babies, children and teenagers tend to move between grieving and seeming okay, looking for reassurance and comfort in their normal routines and activities. Bereaved children and teenagers will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals. Babies and toddlers At this young age babies and toddlers do not have the language to say how they are feeling, or the understanding of what death is. However, they can definitely experience feelings of loss and separation and are likely to pick up on the anxiety or distress of close adults or others around them. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died irritable crying more wanting to be held more - clingy less active – quiet, less responsive possible weight loss jumpy – anxious fretful, distressed regression in toileting and sleeping. How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Hold and cuddle them more Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Preschoolers At this age children find it hard to understand that death is permanent. They are also at a stage of magical thinking, for example, thinking someone will come alive again or thinking somehow they made someone die. They understand separation though, and feel insecure and frightened when the familiar things around them change. This age group needs a lot of reassurance that they will be safe and looked after. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died fearfulness, anxiety clinginess fretful, distressed irritable, more tantrums withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses changes in eating difficulty sleeping toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling regressing in progress, e.g. returning to crawling, wanting a bottle How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – start to teach and use words that describe feelings Tell them they are safe, and who is looking after them Keep separated from them as little as possible Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die or seasons change Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Encourage play – children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities Primary school children Primary school children are still learning to understand death and can have some confused thoughts about it. They may think death is temporary, or that the person who has died may still feel things, such as cold, hungry or lonely etc. They may ask where the person is now, and have blunt questions to ask about what happened to them and to their body. Explaining death to them is very important. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died may blame themselves for the death easily distracted, forgetful anxious – increased fears e.g. of the dark, of other’s safety clinginess – wants to be near you or others more withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses fretful, distressed, not wanting to go to school feeling embarrassment – feeling different form others – may conceal their loss physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching irritable, more tantrums, defiant, or developing antisocial or aggressive behaviour changes in eating or sleeping habits toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling How to help them: Frequently reassure them they are safe, and who is looking after them Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – start to use words that describe feelings Keep separated from them as little as possible Allow questions and provide honest answers Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die or seasons change Let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Encourage play –children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities. Older children 10-12 All of the above relate to this age group, but it’s important to be aware that by this age children know death is final. They are also more aware of how adults and others around them are reacting to death. This group also: may be especially anxious about the safety of family and friends, and themselves may try very hard to please adults and not worry them, and so not let themselves grieve may feel stronger emotional reactions, such as anger, guilt, sense of rejection may want to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please may feel embarrassment – feel different from peers – may conceal their loss may become more focused on what’s happened and ask questions, think about it a lot, have dreams about it, and perhaps want to talk about it often to others They need all of the help in previous section plus: time to talk with you and other trusted adults, when they need to regular reassurance – spoken, and with encouraging physical touch (such as hugs, pat on the back etc) honesty about events, and feelings to know you understand their grief regular encouragement avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are. Teenagers By adolescence death is accepted as part of life, but it may not have affected a teenager personally yet. Their reactions may fluctuate between earlier age group reactions and reactions that are more adult. They will often want to be more with friends than family as they seek support. They may find the intensity of emotion overwhelming or scary and not be able to find the words or ways to talk about them with others. They may want to feel they’re coping, and be seen to be, but inside be hurting a great deal, or be putting their emotions on a shelf for a later time. Death can so shake teens that some react with risk taking behaviour – to escape the feelings and reality and as a source of comfort. E.g. drinking, drugs, more sexual contact or reckless driving. Common reactions can include: easily distracted, forgetful difficulty concentrating at school unsettled in class, change in class performance, not wanting to go to school overwhelmed by intense reactions, such as anger, guilt, fear difficulty expressing intensity of emotions, or conflict of emotions may blame themselves for the death anxious – increased fears about of other’s safety, and their own have questions or concerns about death, dying, mortality dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died wants to be near family or friends more withdraws to be alone physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching irritable, defiant, more antisocial or aggressive behaviour risk taking behaviour to escape, to comfort, or to prove they’re alive and strong e.g. drinking, drugs, more sexual contact or reckless driving changes in eating, sleeping habits jokes or humour masking feelings saying, or acting like, they don’t care wanting to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please strained relationships with others – fear or awkwardness about being close to others feeling embarrassment – feeling different from peers – may conceal their loss sense of loneliness – isolation change self image, lower self esteem possibly suicidal thoughts possible move from sadness into depression. How to help them: be honest and let them know what’s happening be willing to listen, and available to talk with about whatever they need to talk about acknowledge the emotions they may be feeling—fear, sadness, anger it can be helpful for parents, or other adults, to share their own feelings regarding the loss frequently reassure them they are safe, who is caring for them, and which adults they can trust to ask for further support keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible talk to them about grief – what it is, that it’s normal, that everyone is different avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings - give them ideas of things they could try, such as do physical activities, write, sing, listen to music, talk with friends, read etc allow questions and provide honest answers speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them talk about death together, answer any questions they may have let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss. Conclusion Bereaved children and teens will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals. As they get older, they start to see things in new ways and can often have questions about what happened. At any point, if you are concerned about any extreme reactions, or if you think the young person may have become depressed, contact your doctor or other trained adviser, such as a counsellor, senior staff from their school, social worker, community or youth worker or a local family support agency. You might also be interested in: Loss of a pet How to talk to children about death Bereavement Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Bereavement When someone close to you dies Bereavement is the term used to describe the time of sadness and loneliness experienced after the death of someone you love. Grief refers to the emotions and reactions we have and is a normal and natural response to loss. It takes time and can affect every part of us. The emotional and mental pain that is so intense, will gradually ease, even though you may not feel like it will. Grief can be so powerful, and ebbs and flows like a wave. The thoughts, feelings , and reactions you have can: come and go crash on you all at once blend into each other be brief and intense be hard to describe be scary or numbing and paralysing feel out of control or be delayed and come later. Grief is hard work and can leave you feeling exhausted. It is Ok, not to feel Ok. Everyone is different , your grief is unique to you. There is no wrong or right way to experience grief, grief has no rules or timetable, it will eventually get easier to handle. Take the time and space you need to grieve in your own way. Your loss will always be part of your life and will be triggered every now and then and it may feel like it is one step forward and two backwards. Your grief healing process isn't about fixing it, or making it disappear, it is about assisting you to adjust to all the changes in your life, by helping you to come to terms with it physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, and emotionally. Tips for managing your grief: allow yourself to cry letting it out- getting it out small bursts at a time - talk it, write it, draw it, do it physically by playing a sport connect with friends and family to share memories telling someone you trust what is going on inside you, can be a great release look after yourself - eat well, drink water, exercise, get enough sleep and be gentle on yourself. You might also be interested in: Bereavement at different ages and stages Depression How to talk to children about death Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Grief 101 for Parents A basic understanding of grief and how to cope when you are grieving. You might also be interested in: Practical Strategies for Self-Care and Resilience Parenting through Grief

Loss and grief Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Bereavement at different ages and stages Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief. Read more Loss of a pet For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. Read more How to talk to children about death What is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Read more Bereavement When someone close to you dies Read more Loss of health One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses, and grief that they can bring with them. Read more Ageing As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. Read more Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Read more Delayed grief The natural grief process helps us adjust to loss. Delayed grief means the grief process hasn’t started or is stuck. This can be for a variety of reasons. Read more Loss of job Losing your job, for any reason, can be as stressful as losing a loved one. Here you can find different ideas to get you through this challenging time. Read more Explore all resources

Journeys Through Methamphetamine Addiction Skylight Trust with funding from The Vodafone Foundation, has produced a web series that portrays the personal stories of four individuals through their addiction to Methamphetamine. They tell of how their addiction affected them, their tamariki, rangatahi and whānau. You might also be interested in: Trevney shares his story Matty - Resilience Web Series Mana - Resilience Web Series Jahnya shares her story Brittany shares their story McKay - Resilience Web Series Rose - Resilience Web Series Melissa - Resilience Web Series Bella - Resilience Web Series