Grief and Loss: Supporting whaiora when they are grieving
- annebristol
- Jul 3
- 2 min read
Updated: Jul 7
This week, Senior Counselling Coordinator, Ben Jensen was invited to talk to Masters of health psychology students at Victoria University on working with clients through loss and grief.
Excerpts from Ben’s presentation:
Grief is a deeply individual experience, shaped by a person's social context, age, gender, and spiritual and cultural beliefs. Even within the same whānau, different family members experiencing the same loss may grieve very differently — influenced by the type of loss, how many losses they have experienced, and the nature of their connection to the person who died.
Grief also has a significant physiological dimension. It is demanding on the brain, functioning almost as a learning process as the brain rewires itself to a life without the person who has died.
Grief also increases the body’s stress response; which impacts on the cardiovascular system, immune system, digestion, sleep, and overall physical health. When people feel fatigued, sick, or in pain during times of grief it can be a confusing experience. Working with them to alleviate these symptoms is also a part of healing.
In practice, supporting whānau well means resisting assumptions about what they need and instead recognising each person's individual experience of grief. Genuine connection matters most — letting whānau lead and asking open questions about what would help them feel supported in the moment.
Whānau will often seek guidance on supporting tamariki and rangatahi, from the time of death through to after formal post-death rituals conclude. Caregivers should aim to communicate age-appropriately — sharing what happened and what to expect without going into full physiological detail, and in cases of traumatic loss, without unnecessary distressing specifics, while still encouraging families to share as much as they are comfortable with, clearly and honestly.
Language matters here too: vague terms can confuse children, so clear, careful language is important. Children and young people — even within the same whānau — will grieve in different ways, and their responses can vary widely from one another.
