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Parenting Parenting is one of the most rewarding, challenging, joyous and frustrating experiences that we can have. Whatever age or stage your child is at, communication is key, and good communication is paramount. This is especially true with teenagers and young adults. Many people say there is a lot more conflict between parents and their children once they reach the teenage years and into young adulthood. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, but conflict can increase during times of change. As children grow into young adults, there is a lot of change both physically and emotionally/mentally. It can be hard to find a new way of communicating with the young adult that was once your child. Tips on how to communicate with your teenager/young adult: praise and encourage your teen tell them you love them be honest with them don't yell at them let them form their own opinions help them solve their problems, but don't do it for them keep talking to them let them know that they are enough timing - pick your moment to tackle an issue with them be mindful of your body language be willing to understand the situation before acting learn the art of self control encourage appropriate expressions of anger be willing to be disliked sometimes - you can't always be their best friend. Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. It is really important to look after yourself as well, you can't possibly expect to be a great parent if you are running on empty all the time. Being a teenager today is hard - the introduction of social media and the expectations that we place on ourselves makes growing up harder than ever. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a professional to find out how they can help. Counselling for your teen and yourself may help to open communications channels again. You might also be interested in: ADHD Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) How to talk to children about death Anxiety Family break-up Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Suicide and rainbow communities Aotearoa has the highest rate of youth suicide in the developed world, with rates for LGBTQI+ people, even higher. If you are concerned about your immediate safety or the safety of someone else – ring 111 Rates of suicide and self-harm in Aotearoa are high by OECD standards. Homosexual youth rates of mental distress, suicidal and self-harm behaviours have been measured up to 12 times the rate for heterosexual youth (Christchurch Health and Development Study 2005). Rates for trans* (transgender or gender-queer) people, are even higher. A report commissioned and published as part of the Ministry of Health's Suicide Prevention Research Fund in 2012, found that LGBTQI+ people have higher lifetime risk for mental health problems, including depression , anxiety , suicide and self-harm, substance misuse and eating disorders, than their peers. Research shows that there are different factors that contribute to increase the risk of suicide in LGBTQI+ communities, especially in young people, such as growing up in harmful environments, being rejected at home, school, church or by other communities, being bullied, the lack of access to safe or supportive spaces and the lack of mental health care. It is the responsibility of everyone, to create safe and nurturing environments. Many LGBTQI+ people face discrimination, bullying, social exclusion and other challenges, that could lead to them developing mental health problems. Negative life experiences can result in mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or behaviour whether you are LGBTQI+ or not and it is important to seek help as soon as possible. How can you support a LGBTQI+ young person Talk with and listen to them. Find a way that invites them to have an open discussion about sexual orientation and/or gender identity, as this will help them feel loved and supported. Provide support. Respond calmly and use respectful language. Stay involved. Make an effort to know their friends and to know what they are doing, as this can help them stay safe and feel cared about. Be proactive. You can access many organisations and online information resources to learn more about LGBTQI+ needs. If you or someone you know is facing tough times Skylight can offer support through counselling and/or referral to other organisations, or helpful information through our resource centre. You might also be interested in: If you are feeling suicidal Abusive relationships How to build resilience Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Bridy Haughey Senior Programme Coordinator | Kaituitui Hōtaka Matua About me Ko Bridy Haughey tōku ingoa. I am an educational psychologist working as Senior Programmes Coordinator. I chose to work at Skylight because I have always been passionate about helping others and working with young people. I love working in Programmes because it provides an opportunity to support a wider group of people at once, to help improve different aspects of their mental health and overall wellbeing. In my spare time, I like to read, travel, watch films, and spend time at the beach. I also enjoy yoga as I find that it is a great way to destress at the end of the day. Next Previous

Lesley Hoskin Trustee About me "Skylight was the right fit for me. I have a real connection to Skylight and its focus on children and mental health. My friend had a personal experience with Skylight, so I was familiar with its important, helpful work and being in the education sector I was very aware of the growing need for support. The resilience skills Skylight promotes in tamariki and rangatahi are the skills most people need to navigate life. By using specialist trained counsellors and facilitators to work with children, and by targeting mild to moderate mental health issues and risk, we are filling a gap and setting up people and society to succeed." Lesley brings a wealth of experience to the Board. She is Chief Executive at the Teaching Council of Aotearoa New Zealand – responsible for providing strong leadership, influence and the drive to lift the status of the teaching profession. Her background in IT, e-learning, change management, public service (education) and governance mean she is well placed to bring strategic thinking, planning and delivery experience to the role of Deputy Chair of the Board. Lesley also has a Diploma in Te Reo Māori, a Masters in Public Sector Management, and a Postgraduate Diploma Management & Leadership from Oxford University. Next Previous

Waves Waves is an eight week programme that aims to support adults aged 18 and older who have been bereaved by suicide. The programme combines learning about suicide and bereavement, with group discussion and support. The group is facilitated by two trained facilitators over eight weeks and supports members to: meet and share with others who are also experiencing the impact of suicide explore aspects of their grief and reduce isolation and stigma associated with bereavement by suicide in a safe and supportive environment get information and strategies about how to care for themselves and others (including children and young people), after a suicide adjust to living with loss and moving forward While Skylight is no longer running Waves or training facilitators , the programme continues to be offered throughout Aotearoa. Please connect with Tony's Place to learn more about Waves facilitator training opportunities and visit Mental Health Foundation for current Waves groups. You might also be interested in: Sound Bridge

Get involved Support Skylight by donating to the Flashlight Fund, organising or joining fundraising events, purchasing an Entertainment Book, or setting up a Givealittle page Wills and legacy giving We are excited to partner with Gathered Here to make legacy giving as easy as possible for our supporters. Now, Skylight supporters can write a will for free just by clicking here . Wills written on Gathered Here are completely free of charge and include free updates for life. No matter how many times you change your mind, you can change your will too. Importantly, if you do choose to pledge a gift to Skylight, we will receive 100% of that gift when you die. Gathered Here never takes a cut of pledged gifts, and your hard-earned money will be used to empower tamariki and rangatahi to thrive – by supporting the delivery of our counselling, programmes, and resources to help them navigate grief, loss, trauma, change, and tough times. Even if you’re not ready to pledge a gift to charity, you can still use this opportunity to complete your will for free. Whether you include a gift or not, completing your will is an act of kindness to the people closest to you. It brings them clarity in a time that will no doubt be stressful, lets your loved ones know your final wishes, and ensures your assets go where you want them to. Don’t delay any longer, complete your free online will today and you could create a life-changing legacy while still looking out for the people you love. Flashlight Fund The Flashlight Fund provides access to free counselling for children, young people and whānau facing tough times, who otherwise couldn’t afford it. A donation to the Flashlight Fund would be very much appreciated. Fundraise for us If you have a great idea and would like to fundraise for Skylight we would love to hear from you! People just like you who take part in events all around the country choose to fundraise for Skylight and support our work. Whether it’s Round the Bays, the Taupō Cycle Challenge, Iron Māori, or a local fun run or dog walk event – you could fundraise for Skylight alongside your training for and taking part in the event. You might want to ask friends and whānau to sponsor you, collect their donations and bank them once you’ve completed the event, or you could set up a fundraising page on Givealittle This will make it easy for you to tell people what you’re doing and why, and collect donations. Your supporters will get a tax receipt for their donation immediately and the money will be direct credited into our bank account, so you don’t have to worry about depositing it into our account. Entertainment Book Save hundreds of dollars every year on dining, attractions and at retail outlets! Order yours online today Skylight receives 20% for every book or digital membership that we sell. Givealittle Whether you're organising your own fundraising activity or event, taking part in an existing event, fundraising at work or school, or just want to set up an online fundraising page to support the work that Skylight does in our communities across Aotearoa, Givealittle is a great online platform to do that - you just need to choose Skylight as the beneficiary of your fundraising efforts. Anyone who makes a donation will get an immediate tax receipt and the money that your supporters donate will get direct credited to our bank account. You might also be interested in: Professional development opportunities Our story Contact us Organise your own fundraising event Fundraising ideas

Counselling... what is it all about? Meeting someone new can be a bit scary sometimes. We might not know what to expect and what the person is expecting of us. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have some information before you meet someone new. You might also be interested in: Grief 101 for Parents The Power of Journaling

Trauma Trauma is a response to either a one-time event or to many adverse experiences over time. Trauma — Skylight Trust Trauma is a response to either a one-time event – such as an earthquake – or to many adverse experiences over time – such as Domestic Violence. After a distressful event, each person involved, will have a different reaction . For some of us, those reactions may be unpredictable emotions, flashbacks of the event, physical symptoms like anxiety, digestive problems, sweating, nausea, dizziness, and an affect on your eating and sleeping patterns etc. What your reaction will be, is dependent on personal factors, but it is important to remember that: traumatic reactions can happen to all of us. It is difficult to manage your reactions to unexpected events, that are out of your control. after a traumatic event, many people can have long-lasting problems, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) the symptoms you are experiencing after a traumatic event are the expected responses of your body and mind, trying to adjust. You are not going crazy, but you may need support if the responses are persistent or interfering with your daily life many psychologically well-adjusted and physically healthy people develop PTSD. Remember you are not the only one feeling this way, many people will respond the same to a distressful event by understanding trauma symptoms better, a person can become less fearful of them and better able to manage them, asking for support if they need. You might also be interested in: Anxiety Abusive relationships How to build resilience Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Jenny Devine Clinical Advisor | Kaiwhirinaki Haumanu About me Kia ora ko Jenny Devine toku ingoa. I am a registered educational psychologist and the Clinical Advisor for Skylight Trust. While completing my teaching qualification in 2007, I became interested in the needs of students with behaviour and learning challenges. I have since worked in a variety of roles within the education sector including Teacher Aide, Early Childhood and Primary School Teacher, Resource Teacher of Learning and Behaviour (RTLB), and as a Psychologist with the Ministry of Education. I have also worked as a contractor with ACC and in private practice specialising in learning disability assessments. Next Previous

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Delayed grief The natural grief process helps us adjust to loss. Delayed grief means the grief process hasn’t started or is stuck. This can be for a variety of reasons. Grief doesn't follow a straight line. Everyone’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint and lots of things influence how a person grieves. After a loss, some people can go through a time when the natural grief process hasn’t started for them. Or it started, but then stalled. Grief reactions can be delayed for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years. Factors that delay grief, can include: Putting it off because of pressing matters that need attention, such as supporting others (including grieving children/teens), taking care of a practical family situation, or keeping routines going Experiencing ongoing severe shock, so the person cannot take in the fact, that a loss has happened. Experiencing denial (a common early reaction), which becomes ongoing, with a person actively refusing to accept or address their loss When the unhelpful expectations and words of others, let a person know they should ‘be strong’, ‘pull themselves together,’ or ‘move on’. This can cause a person to internally shut down their grief processing When someone avoids the pain of the loss by pushing it away, or down, so it won’t intrude on their life. They often ‘keep busy’ and distracted to avoid focusing on their loss. Denying or suppressing grief reactions, can be intentional and conscious, or subconscious. Either way, it is a self-protective measure in the face of a debilitating and frightening loss. We all manage the impact of grief the best way we can. The challenge is, however, that when grief is delayed, physical health and mental health issues can sometimes emerge. For example, migraines, stomach upsets, eating problems, sleeping problems, illnesses, high levels of anxiety, intense unexpressed emotions (such as guilt or anger), disruptive outbursts, self-isolation, depression, and even suicidality. This is not surprising, when we realise that the mind and body are holding in the pain of grief and inhibiting its healthy release. It is important to note, however, that sometimes a person may not have delayed grief at all. It may be that a person simply isn’t grieving as expected. because what or who has been lost, hasn’t negatively affected them the way others assumed it would. We are all different. When the grief process has been delayed, it will typically start, or restart, in its own time and often in unexpected, unpredictable ways. It might emerge when someone experiences another loss. For example, the loss of a pet may trigger memories of a relative’s death that wasn’t grieved fully, at the time. It might be triggered by an event or item relating to the loss, such as finding an old photo, hearing music from a funeral, meeting a friend who wants to talk about someone who is not in your life anymore, or going to a place that echoes with memories. The grief might begin when things have become more settled, and a person has more time to think and reflect. Grief takes its own time. It cannot be forced. The good news is, that when delayed grief does end, the grief can still be experienced in normal and healthy ways. A person’s grief may be intense and full on for a while, just as it would have been when the loss first happened. Self-care and stress management strategies, can all be helpful. If it becomes overwhelming or hard to cope with, drawing on support networks, talking to someone trusted, joining a support group, visiting a GP, or seeing a grief counsellor, could all be helpful. If a person’s delayed grief appears to be permanent, or there are concerns about the negative effects it’s having on their well-being or health, professional assistance is indicated. This is true for children and teens, as well as adults. Seeing a GP, a counsellor or a psychologist, could assist a person to understand their delayed grief and gradually explore ways to address the loss and release their grief in helpful, healthy and healing ways. Having someone outside their usual network who can help them to take time to stop, think, and talk about the loss can make a very positive difference. You might also be interested in: How to talk to children about death Loss of job Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Di Duncan Finance Officer | Kaitari Pūtea About me Di Duncan, Skylight Finance Officer. I am from the UK but relocated to New Zealand a few years ago. I have had a diverse global background working in both public and private sector. From banking and marketing to education and even as a Coroner's Support Officer. When I’m not crunching numbers, you might find me in the kitchen whipping up a treat for my colleagues or building the rather impressive Lego collection I have. Colleagues would probably say I am up for a challenge (within reason!) and ready with a laugh. Next Previous