Search Results

Bereavement at different ages and stages Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief. This resource walks through what grief can look like for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school children, older children and teenagers. It also offers clear, age-appropriate ideas to help you support them. How any child or young person grieves when someone they love has died will depend on many things, such as their: age gender their developmental stage personality ways they usually react to 'big feelings’ relationship with the person who has died earlier experiences of loss or death family circumstances how others around them are grieving amount of support around them. Babies, children and teenagers may appear to not be impacted by the loss, so adults can assume they are not impacted or processing it. They are, but in their own ways including playing or doing activities that are unexpected. Babies, children and teenagers tend to move between grieving and seeming okay, looking for reassurance and comfort in their normal routines and activities. Bereaved children and teenagers will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals. Babies and toddlers At this young age babies and toddlers do not have the language to say how they are feeling, or the understanding of what death is. However, they can definitely experience feelings of loss and separation and are likely to pick up on the anxiety or distress of close adults or others around them. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died irritable crying more wanting to be held more - clingy less active – quiet, less responsive possible weight loss jumpy – anxious fretful, distressed regression in toileting and sleeping. How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Hold and cuddle them more Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Preschoolers At this age children find it hard to understand that death is permanent. They are also at a stage of magical thinking, for example, thinking someone will come alive again or thinking somehow they made someone die. They understand separation though, and feel insecure and frightened when the familiar things around them change. This age group needs a lot of reassurance that they will be safe and looked after. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died fearfulness, anxiety clinginess fretful, distressed irritable, more tantrums withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses changes in eating difficulty sleeping toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling regressing in progress, e.g. returning to crawling, wanting a bottle How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – start to teach and use words that describe feelings Tell them they are safe, and who is looking after them Keep separated from them as little as possible Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die or seasons change Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Encourage play – children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities Primary school children Primary school children are still learning to understand death and can have some confused thoughts about it. They may think death is temporary, or that the person who has died may still feel things, such as cold, hungry or lonely etc. They may ask where the person is now, and have blunt questions to ask about what happened to them and to their body. Explaining death to them is very important. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died may blame themselves for the death easily distracted, forgetful anxious – increased fears e.g. of the dark, of other’s safety clinginess – wants to be near you or others more withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses fretful, distressed, not wanting to go to school feeling embarrassment – feeling different form others – may conceal their loss physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching irritable, more tantrums, defiant, or developing antisocial or aggressive behaviour changes in eating or sleeping habits toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling How to help them: Frequently reassure them they are safe, and who is looking after them Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – start to use words that describe feelings Keep separated from them as little as possible Allow questions and provide honest answers Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die or seasons change Let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Encourage play –children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities. Older children 10-12 All of the above relate to this age group, but it’s important to be aware that by this age children know death is final. They are also more aware of how adults and others around them are reacting to death. This group also: may be especially anxious about the safety of family and friends, and themselves may try very hard to please adults and not worry them, and so not let themselves grieve may feel stronger emotional reactions, such as anger, guilt, sense of rejection may want to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please may feel embarrassment – feel different from peers – may conceal their loss may become more focused on what’s happened and ask questions, think about it a lot, have dreams about it, and perhaps want to talk about it often to others They need all of the help in previous section plus: time to talk with you and other trusted adults, when they need to regular reassurance – spoken, and with encouraging physical touch (such as hugs, pat on the back etc) honesty about events, and feelings to know you understand their grief regular encouragement avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are. Teenagers By adolescence death is accepted as part of life, but it may not have affected a teenager personally yet. Their reactions may fluctuate between earlier age group reactions and reactions that are more adult. They will often want to be more with friends than family as they seek support. They may find the intensity of emotion overwhelming or scary and not be able to find the words or ways to talk about them with others. They may want to feel they’re coping, and be seen to be, but inside be hurting a great deal, or be putting their emotions on a shelf for a later time. Death can so shake teens that some react with risk taking behaviour – to escape the feelings and reality and as a source of comfort. E.g. drinking, drugs, more sexual contact or reckless driving. Common reactions can include: easily distracted, forgetful difficulty concentrating at school unsettled in class, change in class performance, not wanting to go to school overwhelmed by intense reactions, such as anger, guilt, fear difficulty expressing intensity of emotions, or conflict of emotions may blame themselves for the death anxious – increased fears about of other’s safety, and their own have questions or concerns about death, dying, mortality dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died wants to be near family or friends more withdraws to be alone physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching irritable, defiant, more antisocial or aggressive behaviour risk taking behaviour to escape, to comfort, or to prove they’re alive and strong e.g. drinking, drugs, more sexual contact or reckless driving changes in eating, sleeping habits jokes or humour masking feelings saying, or acting like, they don’t care wanting to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please strained relationships with others – fear or awkwardness about being close to others feeling embarrassment – feeling different from peers – may conceal their loss sense of loneliness – isolation change self image, lower self esteem possibly suicidal thoughts possible move from sadness into depression. How to help them: be honest and let them know what’s happening be willing to listen, and available to talk with about whatever they need to talk about acknowledge the emotions they may be feeling—fear, sadness, anger it can be helpful for parents, or other adults, to share their own feelings regarding the loss frequently reassure them they are safe, who is caring for them, and which adults they can trust to ask for further support keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible talk to them about grief – what it is, that it’s normal, that everyone is different avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings - give them ideas of things they could try, such as do physical activities, write, sing, listen to music, talk with friends, read etc allow questions and provide honest answers speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them talk about death together, answer any questions they may have let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss. Conclusion Bereaved children and teens will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals. As they get older, they start to see things in new ways and can often have questions about what happened. At any point, if you are concerned about any extreme reactions, or if you think the young person may have become depressed, contact your doctor or other trained adviser, such as a counsellor, senior staff from their school, social worker, community or youth worker or a local family support agency. You might also be interested in: Loss of a pet How to talk to children about death Bereavement Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Parenting Through Separation PTS is a free information course for individual parents who have separated or who are contemplating separation. This practical information course is designed to help separated parents — or those thinking about separating — to understand and manage the impact of separation on their children. The focus is on what matters most: helping you put your children’s needs first. We are contracted by the Ministry of Justice to run PTS. Your personal details are entered into their secure database. A certificate of attendance is issued out of the Ministry on completion of the course. What the Course Offers A safe, supportive small group setting Guidance on co-parenting effectively with your ex-partner or co-carer Tools to create a workable parenting plan Insights into the Family Justice System and how to navigate it Practical resources and take-home materials A chance to connect with others in similar situations The course is run by experienced facilitators and provides a confidential space to share, learn, and feel supported — whether you are early in the separation journey or have been navigating it for a while. Course Locations Courses are held in Kāpiti, Lower Hutt, Porirua and Wellington CBD and Masterton. If you are in a different region, check the Ministry of Justice website for providers near you. Family Works also delivers PTS in the Wellington region. Visit their website ( www.familyworkscentral.org.nz ) for their course dates and enrolment details or email [email protected] How to Enrol To register for an upcoming course, email [email protected] with your contact details. Upcoming course dates Please note - they may be subject to minor change. All sessions are 10am - 2.30pm . March 2026 Kāpiti - Saturday 28th April 2026 Lower Hutt - Saturday 11th Porirua - Friday 10th Masterton - Saturday 11th Wellington - Saturday 18th Kāpiti - Saturday 18th May 2026 Lower Hutt - Saturday 2nd Porirua - Friday 8th Masterton - Saturday 9th Wellington - Saturday 16th Kāpiti - Saturday 23rd June 2026 Lower Hutt - Saturday 6th Masterton - Saturday 13th Kāpiti - Saturday 13th Porirua - Friday 19th Wellington - Saturday 27th You might also be interested in: Sound Bridge Heart Song

Akasha Te Amo Liana Rio Trustee About me "I understand what it is to go through grief, loss and cycles of mental health. I support the kaupapa, its focus on tamariki and rangatahi and the importance of Skylight’s work. I am also passionate about Te Tiriti o Waitangi, how we address mental health using a Te Triti-based model, and the journey Skylight is on to become a Te Tiriti-based organisation. I am here to learn from the rangatira on the Board and ensure that Skylight has long term aspirations and intergenerational impact." Akasha was drawn to the Board because the people on the Board are passionate about the Skylight staff and the clients and want to make a difference. She wants to go beyond the Crown-Māori relationship and see an authentic understanding of Te Tiriti throughout all facets of society. Akasha has a Masters Degree in Māori/Pacific and Indigenous People’s Law, a Bachelor of Laws, and a Bachelor of Social Sciences. Next Previous

Tina Taylor Counselling Coordinator | Kaituitui Whakamāherehere About me I am a Counselling Coordinator at Skylight. Kia ora koutou! I am a Counselling Coordinator at Skylight. My role is to take care of client referrals and triage clients to counsellors using the information provided to create a good fit. It is important to me to work for an organisation that shares my values and makes the world a better place by supporting and empowering people. I love my job! In my spare time, I read, watch movies and spend time with friends and whānau. On the weekend I'm likely to be found: at the Brewtown Sunday markets or, enjoying the many walks that the Hutt Valley has to offer both sea and river side, and most likely in my egg chair in the garden reading. Next Previous

Counselling for tamariki, rangatahi & whānau – from grief to trauma, arts-based and talking therapies, in-person or online Counselling Our unique offering is a full spectrum of care for those tamariki and rangatahi aged 5 - 24 years with mild to moderate mental health concerns. Request counselling Our Services Dealing with trauma, change, loss and grief can be very hard at times. You don't have to do it alone. Having someone working alongside you can make a difference. We offer counselling for children, young people, and family/whānau who are experiencing any kind of grief, loss and trauma. We have a family-centered approach when working with tamariki. This means we include parents or caregivers and family members in the counselling process when appropriate. We provide music, arts and talking therapies. The range of issues we could support you with include: Grief and bereavement (including bereavement by suicide or homicide) Trauma (including witnessing a traumatic event) Family break up and adjusting to blended families Behavioural issues (anger in children, bullying) Neurodivergence (Autism, ADHD) Illness and anticipated death Mild to moderate mental health issues Have experienced domestic violence Relationship challenges Injury or disability Disaster aftermath Skylight offers counselling services in: Kāpiti Porirua Lower Hutt Wellington Online counselling is also available You can connect with a Counsellor at a time and place that suits you. All you need is a computer or smartphone and the internet. Fee details and more information Skylight counselling ranges from $120 (incl. GST) to $149.50 (incl. GST) per session. Funding options may be available. For queries or appointment bookings, please click the button below to contact the Counselling Coordinator. Request counselling Other help Request a support pack We can provide support packs for specific situations – just ask us for what you need. Read more Support groups Skylight recognises the therapeutic value of support groups. We offer a variety of support groups for people facing tough times. Read more Other organisations There are a number of other great organisations that offer specialist support and information services for children, young people and their whānau. Read more

Counselling... what is it all about? Meeting someone new can be a bit scary sometimes. We might not know what to expect and what the person is expecting of us. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have some information before you meet someone new. You might also be interested in: Grief 101 for Parents The Power of Journaling

Matty - Resilience Web Series Here’s Matty in our resilience web series. Matty explains how surrounding himself with friends and family made him a happier person. Finding people with similar goals as you allows you to work together and push each other. Matty makes the connection between physical wellbeing and resiliency. You might also be interested in: Trevney shares his story Journeys Through Methamphetamine Addiction Matty - Resilience Web Series Mana - Resilience Web Series Jahnya shares her story Brittany shares their story McKay - Resilience Web Series Rose - Resilience Web Series Melissa - Resilience Web Series Bella - Resilience Web Series

ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder ADHD is recognised as a neurodevelopmental difference. It is not about laziness or poor parenting, but about the brain functioning differently in areas linked to attention, impulse control, and activity levels. These differences can bring challenges in structured environments (like classrooms), but also come with unique strengths such as creativity, energy, problem-solving, and the ability to think outside the box. What ADHD Looks Like ADHD shows up differently for each person. Common patterns include: Attention Notices many things happening at once Strong focus on tasks that spark interest (“hyperfocus”) May find repetitive or less engaging tasks difficult to sustain Can be imaginative and daydream often Activity Has high energy that thrives in active, hands-on tasks Enjoys movement and can find sitting still for long periods challenging Often enthusiastic and expressive in conversations Impulsivity Acts quickly and is often willing to take risks or try new things Eager to share ideas and participate May find waiting difficult, especially when excited Strengths of ADHD Children and young people with ADHD often share valuable strengths, such as: High energy that can be channelled into sports, play, and learning Spontaneity and flexibility Creativity and imagination which can help with problem-solving Strong focus on things they are passionate about Resilience - ability to keep going after challenges. When to Seek Support It may be helpful to talk with a GP, teacher, or health professional if these patterns: Occur across different settings (home, school, social situations), and Significantly impact everyday life, such as learning, friendships, or relationships. Pathways for Support Support may include: Education and strategies to help manage attention, energy, and emotions. Whānau support to build consistency and celebrate strengths. Medication for some children/young people, to support focus and regulation. Mental health support such as therapy, to help them build strategies to support challenging thoughts, feelings and situations. Useful links: ADHD in Children: Signs, Symptoms and Help for ADHD in Kids ADHD in Kids & Teens | Nemours KidsHealth ADHD Symptoms & Signs of ADHD: Hyperactive, Inattentive, Combined ADHD Treatment: What Are the Options? Reframing ADHD Through a Māori Lens | Neuroaffirming Futures Listening to Families You might also be interested in: Bullying Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) Anxiety Parenting Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Mana - Resilience Web Series Introducing Mana who explains that having a good support system helps you to grow and get through tough times. To be resilient, Mana thinks you have to be self-aware and real with yourself and others. You might also be interested in: Trevney shares his story Journeys Through Methamphetamine Addiction Matty - Resilience Web Series Mana - Resilience Web Series Jahnya shares her story Brittany shares their story McKay - Resilience Web Series Rose - Resilience Web Series Melissa - Resilience Web Series Bella - Resilience Web Series

Family change Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Family break-up When a break up happens in the family, it can be hard on everyone, especially when there are children involved. Read more Explore all resources

Suicide prevention Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . If you are feeling suicidal Are you finding yourself thinking about suicide? Read more Suicide and rainbow communities Aotearoa has the highest rate of youth suicide in the developed world, with rates for LGBTQI+ people, even higher. Read more Explore all resources

Martin Weekes Trustee About me "My name is Martin. I'm married to Jane and a father of 9 children aged from 29-years-old down to my youngest who is 7. I am an accomplished leader, board advisor, coach and mentor specialising in transformation and change. I have over 25 years’ management experience as a senior executive working in Europe, New Zealand, Asia, Australia and the Middle East, working alongside multiple cultures and diverse work forces in the commercial, not for profit and governmental sector. Alongside my commercial career I have been involved with the not-for-profit sector working with and on the boards of several charities. This involvement has supported at-risk children, families impacted by domestic abuse, emergency rescue, children’s air ambulance, The Neonatal Trust, education, and sport helping raise over $100 million within New Zealand. I believe every child deserves the opportunity to live a full and happy life in a positive, stimulating, safe environment and it should be every parent’s wish to see that dream come to fruition. Sadly, that isn’t always the case. However, with the advances in society today that dream should become a reality for all New Zealanders regardless of financial or technological constraints and with innovative thinking, determination and personal commitment together we can make a huge positive impact for New Zealand families." Next Previous