Search Results

Tina Taylor Client Care Lead | Kaiārahi Manaaki-Kiritaki About me I am a Counselling Coordinator at Skylight. Kia ora koutou! I am a Counselling Coordinator at Skylight. My role is to take care of client referrals and triage clients to counsellors using the information provided to create a good fit. It is important to me to work for an organisation that shares my values and makes the world a better place by supporting and empowering people. I love my job! In my spare time, I read, watch movies and spend time with friends and whānau. On the weekend I'm likely to be found: at the Brewtown Sunday markets or, enjoying the many walks that the Hutt Valley has to offer both sea and river side, and most likely in my egg chair in the garden reading. Next Previous

Trauma Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Helping Tamariki and Rangatahi Cope with Natural Disasters How to manage emotional wellbeing during a disaster Read more Trauma Trauma is a response to either a one-time event or to many adverse experiences over time. Read more Abusive relationships Partner abuse is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Read more Explore all resources

Lesley Hoskin Trustee | Mema o te Poari About me “Skylight felt like the right fit for me from the outset. I have a strong connection to its work supporting children’s mental health—both personally, through a friend’s experience, and professionally through my background in education, where the growing need for support is clear. The resilience skills Skylight fosters in tamariki and rangatahi are essential for navigating life. By working with specialist counsellors and facilitators, and focusing on early support for mild to moderate mental health challenges, Skylight fills a critical gap—strengthening individuals and contributing to a more resilient society.” Lesley brings extensive senior executive and governance experience across the public sector, including eight years as Chief Executive of the Teaching Council of Aotearoa New Zealand. Her background spans IT, e-learning, change management and education, enabling her to contribute strong strategic thinking, planning and delivery to the Board. She holds a Diploma in Te Reo Māori, a Master’s in Public Sector Management, and a Postgraduate Diploma in Management & Leadership from Oxford University. Next Previous

Emma Harbour Programmes, Outreach and Fundraising | Kaupapa Pāpori, Ratonga Hapori, Kimi-Pūtea About me Kia ora, I am Emma. Previously, a travel tour coordinator, flight attendant, foster carer and supervisor at a home for pregnant teens. I have joined Skylight this year as a Programme Coordinator. Our team oversees networking with other community organisations and schools to promote and deliver a variety of youth wellbeing programmes. I work at Skylight Trust because the values and work align with my personal ethos. I am passionate and motivated to support others, and I want to use my time and energy for meaningful work. When I am not at work I enjoy knitting & crochet while watching the latest TV series, baking and trying out new recipes, nature walks and campervan adventures with my husband and two chihuahuas, being an active aunty, hosting international students and volunteering with the New Zealand Red Cross in a refugee resettlement. Next Previous

Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Communicate . Talk with your kids, whatever their ages, about why you’re moving. Always keep them informed about what’s happening, at every step. Identify the positives of the move , but also honestly acknowledge that moving isn’t easy and will mean changes. Give them time to get used to the idea and its implications. Encourage questions . Bite-sized pieces of info are good to give them, but they may need to ask questions to recheck things that they didn’t take in at first, or that they are worrying about. Expect reactions. They are a natural response to changes. Talk with them and listen well. Expect physical reactions , as well as emotional ones. Grief after a loss can express itself in such things tummy pains, headaches, upset stomach, thumb sucking or bed wetting. Also tearfulness, feeling low, changes in eating or sleeping, wanting to be close to you a lot or withdrawing, difficulty concentrating on things and playing up. This is normal. Giving your child or teen more than their usual amount of attention, reassurance, affirmation and time can make a big difference to these kinds of reactions. If, a few weeks after the move, you’re concerned that the reactions are not shifting, or have become more serious, see your GP. Ahead of the move help them learn about their new community and the positive things about it. Have photos, pamphlets or maps, or if possible travel to see the new place. Find out about things important to your child or teen. For example, school choices, sports facilities, youth groups or clubs, etc. Check out books about moving from your local library, school library or bookshop. If the children are younger, read them together. Involve them in decision-making , whenever possible. For example, where to put new things in the house, how to do their new room or what colour to paint it. Invite their ideas. Use their help. When it comes time to leave your home, think of ways to say goodbye. Many find this helpful. It may just mean walking from room to room – alone or together. It may mean taking photos. Having a party. Perhaps leaving a card for the new owners that everyone signs. Everyone’s different, but acknowledging the change and loss openly certainly helps the process along. On moving day … make time for each other, have treasured toys or belongings nearby, have favourite music available to play, eat a fun meal together, and sort your children’s rooms first. Meet the Neighbours. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Introduce yourself and your children to neighbours in whatever ways work for you. It can help families feel linked in more quickly to their new community. Perhaps just knocking on a door, inviting them round or saying hello in the street or as they pass. It can feel awkward, but it can make a positive difference to settling in. Encourage and help your children to keep in touch with old friend s, as well as finding new ones. This is part of the journey, especially for teens whose peers are so important to them. Perhaps use photo albums or boards for memories, and help them link into groups and opportunities in your area so they can meet others. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Here’s what Sue, an Auckland Mum, found out during a big move. “The kids were stressing out everywhere – and so was I. My teen spent all her time in her room. Late one night, in the middle of all the boxes, I realised something had to change. I needed to keep our family life as positive as possible. Over the next weeks I put more effort into things like providing snacks and meals they enjoyed, hugging my kids and smiling at them, trying to keep myself calm and organised so I didn’t freak out so often, sleeping well, and laughing as much as possible. I let each of the kids take a disposable camera around to record memories. I called a quick family meeting every night for a few minutes to take suggestions and check in on any news or decisions that had to be made. Before that the kids just felt like they were in my way or making things more complicated. Now they were part of the whole thing. It helped a lot.” You might also be interested in: Anxiety Family break-up Parenting Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Thank you, Donor Name We are so grateful for your generous donation of $0. Your donation number is #1000. You’ll receive a confirmation email soon.

Bereavement at different ages and stages Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief. This resource walks through what grief can look like for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school children, older children and teenagers. It also offers clear, age-appropriate ideas to help you support them. How any child or young person grieves when someone they love has died will depend on many things, such as their: age gender their developmental stage personality ways they usually react to 'big feelings’ relationship with the person who has died earlier experiences of loss or death family circumstances how others around them are grieving amount of support around them. Babies, children and teenagers may appear to not be impacted by the loss, so adults can assume they are not impacted or processing it. They are, but in their own ways including playing or doing activities that are unexpected. Babies, children and teenagers tend to move between grieving and seeming okay, looking for reassurance and comfort in their normal routines and activities. Bereaved children and teenagers will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals. Babies and toddlers At this young age babies and toddlers do not have the language to say how they are feeling, or the understanding of what death is. However, they can definitely experience feelings of loss and separation and are likely to pick up on the anxiety or distress of close adults or others around them. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died irritable crying more wanting to be held more - clingy less active – quiet, less responsive possible weight loss jumpy – anxious fretful, distressed regression in toileting and sleeping. How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Hold and cuddle them more Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Preschoolers At this age children find it hard to understand that death is permanent. They are also at a stage of magical thinking, for example, thinking someone will come alive again or thinking somehow they made someone die. They understand separation though, and feel insecure and frightened when the familiar things around them change. This age group needs a lot of reassurance that they will be safe and looked after. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died fearfulness, anxiety clinginess fretful, distressed irritable, more tantrums withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses changes in eating difficulty sleeping toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling regressing in progress, e.g. returning to crawling, wanting a bottle How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – start to teach and use words that describe feelings Tell them they are safe, and who is looking after them Keep separated from them as little as possible Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die or seasons change Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Encourage play – children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities Primary school children Primary school children are still learning to understand death and can have some confused thoughts about it. They may think death is temporary, or that the person who has died may still feel things, such as cold, hungry or lonely etc. They may ask where the person is now, and have blunt questions to ask about what happened to them and to their body. Explaining death to them is very important. Common reactions can include: looking for the person who has died dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died may blame themselves for the death easily distracted, forgetful anxious – increased fears e.g. of the dark, of other’s safety clinginess – wants to be near you or others more withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses fretful, distressed, not wanting to go to school feeling embarrassment – feeling different form others – may conceal their loss physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching irritable, more tantrums, defiant, or developing antisocial or aggressive behaviour changes in eating or sleeping habits toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling How to help them: Frequently reassure them they are safe, and who is looking after them Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – start to use words that describe feelings Keep separated from them as little as possible Allow questions and provide honest answers Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die or seasons change Let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss Provide comfort items, such as cuddly toy, special blanket etc Encourage play –children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities. Older children 10-12 All of the above relate to this age group, but it’s important to be aware that by this age children know death is final. They are also more aware of how adults and others around them are reacting to death. This group also: may be especially anxious about the safety of family and friends, and themselves may try very hard to please adults and not worry them, and so not let themselves grieve may feel stronger emotional reactions, such as anger, guilt, sense of rejection may want to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please may feel embarrassment – feel different from peers – may conceal their loss may become more focused on what’s happened and ask questions, think about it a lot, have dreams about it, and perhaps want to talk about it often to others They need all of the help in previous section plus: time to talk with you and other trusted adults, when they need to regular reassurance – spoken, and with encouraging physical touch (such as hugs, pat on the back etc) honesty about events, and feelings to know you understand their grief regular encouragement avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are. Teenagers By adolescence death is accepted as part of life, but it may not have affected a teenager personally yet. Their reactions may fluctuate between earlier age group reactions and reactions that are more adult. They will often want to be more with friends than family as they seek support. They may find the intensity of emotion overwhelming or scary and not be able to find the words or ways to talk about them with others. They may want to feel they’re coping, and be seen to be, but inside be hurting a great deal, or be putting their emotions on a shelf for a later time. Death can so shake teens that some react with risk taking behaviour – to escape the feelings and reality and as a source of comfort. E.g. drinking, drugs, more sexual contact or reckless driving. Common reactions can include: easily distracted, forgetful difficulty concentrating at school unsettled in class, change in class performance, not wanting to go to school overwhelmed by intense reactions, such as anger, guilt, fear difficulty expressing intensity of emotions, or conflict of emotions may blame themselves for the death anxious – increased fears about of other’s safety, and their own have questions or concerns about death, dying, mortality dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died wants to be near family or friends more withdraws to be alone physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching irritable, defiant, more antisocial or aggressive behaviour risk taking behaviour to escape, to comfort, or to prove they’re alive and strong e.g. drinking, drugs, more sexual contact or reckless driving changes in eating, sleeping habits jokes or humour masking feelings saying, or acting like, they don’t care wanting to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please strained relationships with others – fear or awkwardness about being close to others feeling embarrassment – feeling different from peers – may conceal their loss sense of loneliness – isolation change self image, lower self esteem possibly suicidal thoughts possible move from sadness into depression. How to help them: be honest and let them know what’s happening be willing to listen, and available to talk with about whatever they need to talk about acknowledge the emotions they may be feeling—fear, sadness, anger it can be helpful for parents, or other adults, to share their own feelings regarding the loss frequently reassure them they are safe, who is caring for them, and which adults they can trust to ask for further support keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible talk to them about grief – what it is, that it’s normal, that everyone is different avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings - give them ideas of things they could try, such as do physical activities, write, sing, listen to music, talk with friends, read etc allow questions and provide honest answers speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them talk about death together, answer any questions they may have let them help in planning the funeral or something to remember the loss. Conclusion Bereaved children and teens will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones, and develop as individuals. As they get older, they start to see things in new ways and can often have questions about what happened. At any point, if you are concerned about any extreme reactions, or if you think the young person may have become depressed, contact your doctor or other trained adviser, such as a counsellor, senior staff from their school, social worker, community or youth worker or a local family support agency. You might also be interested in: Loss of a pet How to talk to children about death Bereavement Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

Skylight Trust supports young people and whānau through tough times with counselling, resources, and programmes. Compassionate care that makes a difference. Skylight Trust Subscribe to our newsletter Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected] About Skylight Skylight is a registered charity, supporting people through tough times with tailored resources, resilience programmes, and counselling. We believe that with the right support, anyone can find hope and strength. 24k+ Hours of therapy each year 400+ Families supported per month 130+ Schools running our programmes

Parenting Parenting is one of the most rewarding, challenging, joyous and frustrating experiences that we can have. Whatever age or stage your child is at, communication is key, and good communication is paramount. This is especially true with teenagers and young adults. Many people say there is a lot more conflict between parents and their children once they reach the teenage years and into young adulthood. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship, but conflict can increase during times of change. As children grow into young adults, there is a lot of change both physically and emotionally/mentally. It can be hard to find a new way of communicating with the young adult that was once your child. Tips on how to communicate with your teenager/young adult: praise and encourage your teen tell them you love them be honest with them don't yell at them let them form their own opinions help them solve their problems, but don't do it for them keep talking to them let them know that they are enough timing - pick your moment to tackle an issue with them be mindful of your body language be willing to understand the situation before acting learn the art of self control encourage appropriate expressions of anger be willing to be disliked sometimes - you can't always be their best friend. Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially since parents are dealing with many other pressures. It is really important to look after yourself as well, you can't possibly expect to be a great parent if you are running on empty all the time. Being a teenager today is hard - the introduction of social media and the expectations that we place on ourselves makes growing up harder than ever. If you are having problems over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a professional to find out how they can help. Counselling for your teen and yourself may help to open communications channels again. You might also be interested in: Bullying ADHD Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) How to talk to children about death Anxiety Family break-up Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Get insights, tools, and stories from Skylight — and a free guide to help you get started. You can unsubscribe at any time. First name Email address* Yes, subscribe me to your newsletter. Subscribe By submitting this form, you consent and agree to Skylight Trust collecting and handling your personal information in accordance with our privacy policy . If you have any questions or wish to view or amend your information, please email us at [email protected]

The Power of Journaling Participants will be taken on a journey of positive thinking, problem solving, mindfulness and self-care. You might also be interested in: Good Mood and Food Counselling... what is it all about?

Loss and grief Browse our articles below. To explore our full collection of resources on other themes, click here . Bereavement at different ages and stages Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief. Read more Loss of a pet For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. Read more How to talk to children about death What is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Read more Bereavement When someone close to you dies Read more Loss of health One of the biggest challenges of any illness or disability is coping with the changes, losses, and grief that they can bring with them. Read more Ageing As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. Read more Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Read more Delayed grief The natural grief process helps us adjust to loss. Delayed grief means the grief process hasn’t started or is stuck. This can be for a variety of reasons. Read more Loss of job Losing your job, for any reason, can be as stressful as losing a loved one. Here you can find different ideas to get you through this challenging time. Read more Explore all resources

Elliot Freeman Senior Programme Manager | Kaiwhakahaere Matua – Kaupapa Pāpori About me Kia ora, my name is Elliot. I am the programme coordinator for Travellers, Skylight's wellbeing programme which supports young people to build resilience and navigate life’s ups and downs. I joined Skylight because I care deeply about helping people feel more connected: to themselves, to each other, and to what matters most. It’s rare to find a team doing that in such a thoughtful, human way. Outside of Skylight, I'm a coach, facilitator, and product manager with a background in mental health, mindfulness, and building digital tools that support personal growth. I coach people going through life transitions, run meditation events, and love anything that involves creativity, deep conversation, or getting out into the bush. You’ll usually find me with a cup of tea in hand, listening to music or staring out into space Next Previous