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Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Deciding to move house begins a string of chain reactions within any family. Every situation is different and every child and teen is different, but some do struggle with the changes. Communicate . Talk with your kids, whatever their ages, about why you’re moving. Always keep them informed about what’s happening, at every step. Identify the positives of the move , but also honestly acknowledge that moving isn’t easy and will mean changes. Give them time to get used to the idea and its implications. Encourage questions . Bite-sized pieces of info are good to give them, but they may need to ask questions to recheck things that they didn’t take in at first, or that they are worrying about. Expect reactions. They are a natural response to changes. Talk with them and listen well. Expect physical reactions , as well as emotional ones. Grief after a loss can express itself in such things tummy pains, headaches, upset stomach, thumb sucking or bed wetting. Also tearfulness, feeling low, changes in eating or sleeping, wanting to be close to you a lot or withdrawing, difficulty concentrating on things and playing up. This is normal. Giving your child or teen more than their usual amount of attention, reassurance, affirmation and time can make a big difference to these kinds of reactions. If, a few weeks after the move, you’re concerned that the reactions are not shifting, or have become more serious, see your GP. Ahead of the move help them learn about their new community and the positive things about it. Have photos, pamphlets or maps, or if possible travel to see the new place. Find out about things important to your child or teen. For example, school choices, sports facilities, youth groups or clubs, etc. Check out books about moving from your local library, school library or bookshop. If the children are younger, read them together. Involve them in decision-making , whenever possible. For example, where to put new things in the house, how to do their new room or what colour to paint it. Invite their ideas. Use their help. When it comes time to leave your home, think of ways to say goodbye. Many find this helpful. It may just mean walking from room to room – alone or together. It may mean taking photos. Having a party. Perhaps leaving a card for the new owners that everyone signs. Everyone’s different, but acknowledging the change and loss openly certainly helps the process along. On moving day … make time for each other, have treasured toys or belongings nearby, have favourite music available to play, eat a fun meal together, and sort your children’s rooms first. Meet the Neighbours. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Introduce yourself and your children to neighbours in whatever ways work for you. It can help families feel linked in more quickly to their new community. Perhaps just knocking on a door, inviting them round or saying hello in the street or as they pass. It can feel awkward, but it can make a positive difference to settling in. Encourage and help your children to keep in touch with old friend s, as well as finding new ones. This is part of the journey, especially for teens whose peers are so important to them. Perhaps use photo albums or boards for memories, and help them link into groups and opportunities in your area so they can meet others. Remember that being super stressed is very likely to increase your family’s stress. Here’s what Sue, an Auckland Mum, found out during a big move. “The kids were stressing out everywhere – and so was I. My teen spent all her time in her room. Late one night, in the middle of all the boxes, I realised something had to change. I needed to keep our family life as positive as possible. Over the next weeks I put more effort into things like providing snacks and meals they enjoyed, hugging my kids and smiling at them, trying to keep myself calm and organised so I didn’t freak out so often, sleeping well, and laughing as much as possible. I let each of the kids take a disposable camera around to record memories. I called a quick family meeting every night for a few minutes to take suggestions and check in on any news or decisions that had to be made. Before that the kids just felt like they were in my way or making things more complicated. Now they were part of the whole thing. It helped a lot.” You might also be interested in: Anxiety Family break-up Parenting Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Family break-up When a break up happens in the family, it can be hard on everyone, especially when there are children involved. When a family breaks up, everyone is affected. It is important to look for support for yourself and your children and teens. This can come from friends, family and whānau. It will take some adjustment to go from being a live-in family unit, to living separately, getting on as separated parents and working out mutually agreed child-care arrangements. Being partners in parenting will greatly benefit everyone involved. How parents manage a separation or divorce and how they deal with any conflicts during this time, has a big impact on how the family copes. Family break up also brings uncertainty about the future. Children and young people need the love and support from both parents, as they come to terms with the changes. They need to feel protected, safe and looked after. It is never easy making the changes to a new family routine, and sometimes it even involves moving to a new location. It can take time, and children and young people will need your support and encouragement to get used to their new life. Visit the shop for publications. You might also be interested in: Anxiety How to build resilience Parenting Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

How to build resilience “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” - Steve Maraboli What is Resilience? Resilience is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant stress, such as family or relationship problems, health challenges, workplace difficulties, or financial pressures. It is often described as “bouncing back” from hardship, learning from those experiences, and facing new challenges with greater strength. Resilience is not a rare trait. Most people demonstrate it in their everyday lives, often without realising it. Being resilient does not mean you do not experience hardship, sadness, or emotional pain. Rather, it means you have developed thoughts, behaviours, and actions that help you navigate and recover from life’s difficulties. The Foundations of Resilience A key factor in building resilience is having strong, supportive relationships within your whānau, family, friendship groups, and wider community. These connections offer encouragement, reassurance, and a stable network to lean on during tough times. Other important factors include: The ability to view crises as manageable Acceptance that change is part of life Confidence in your problem-solving skills Maintaining hope and optimism for the future Taking care of your physical, mental, social, and spiritual wellbeing Strategies to Build Resilience Everyone develops resilience differently, but the following approaches can help individuals, families, groups, and communities strengthen it: Connect with others Build and nurture relationships with whānau, friends, and colleagues. Join community groups, clubs, or volunteer organisations to expand your support network. See challenging events as something you can manage You may not control the event, but you can control your response. Focus on the fact that challenges are temporary and that you will get through them. Accept change as part of life Some goals may no longer be possible after a major change, but you can set new ones that fit your circumstances. Set realistic goals Break long-term goals into smaller, achievable steps. Celebrate progress along the way. Take action Address problems directly rather than avoiding them. Small, proactive steps make a big difference. See opportunities in challenges Difficult times can help you discover new strengths, build skills, and deepen relationships. Think positively about yourself Trust your abilities and your capacity to solve problems. Keep things in perspective Avoid magnifying problems and consider them in a broader context. Be optimistic Expect that good things can and will happen in your life. Look after yourself Exercise, eat well, get enough rest, spend time with loved-ones, and make time for activities that restore your energy. Get to know yourself Reflect on your experiences, values, and coping strategies. Journaling or meditation can help you understand what works best for you. Expect setbacks and keep going Progress is not always smooth, but persistence builds strength. Useful links: Resilience Coping with stress - InfoAboutKids Youthsay - Resources for kaimahi working with rangatahi Self-care and managing stress and building resilience | Mind You might also be interested in: Trauma Delayed grief Loss of job Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Delayed grief The natural grief process helps us adjust to loss. Delayed grief means the grief process hasn’t started or is stuck. This can be for a variety of reasons. Grief doesn't follow a straight line. Everyone’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint and lots of things influence how a person grieves. After a loss, some people can go through a time when the natural grief process hasn’t started for them. Or it started, but then stalled. Grief reactions can be delayed for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years. Factors that delay grief, can include: Putting it off because of pressing matters that need attention, such as supporting others (including grieving children/teens), taking care of a practical family situation, or keeping routines going Experiencing ongoing severe shock, so the person cannot take in the fact, that a loss has happened. Experiencing denial (a common early reaction), which becomes ongoing, with a person actively refusing to accept or address their loss When the unhelpful expectations and words of others, let a person know they should ‘be strong’, ‘pull themselves together,’ or ‘move on’. This can cause a person to internally shut down their grief processing When someone avoids the pain of the loss by pushing it away, or down, so it won’t intrude on their life. They often ‘keep busy’ and distracted to avoid focusing on their loss. Denying or suppressing grief reactions, can be intentional and conscious, or subconscious. Either way, it is a self-protective measure in the face of a debilitating and frightening loss. We all manage the impact of grief the best way we can. The challenge is, however, that when grief is delayed, physical health and mental health issues can sometimes emerge. For example, migraines, stomach upsets, eating problems, sleeping problems, illnesses, high levels of anxiety, intense unexpressed emotions (such as guilt or anger), disruptive outbursts, self-isolation, depression, and even suicidality. This is not surprising, when we realise that the mind and body are holding in the pain of grief and inhibiting its healthy release. It is important to note, however, that sometimes a person may not have delayed grief at all. It may be that a person simply isn’t grieving as expected. because what or who has been lost, hasn’t negatively affected them the way others assumed it would. We are all different. When the grief process has been delayed, it will typically start, or restart, in its own time and often in unexpected, unpredictable ways. It might emerge when someone experiences another loss. For example, the loss of a pet may trigger memories of a relative’s death that wasn’t grieved fully, at the time. It might be triggered by an event or item relating to the loss, such as finding an old photo, hearing music from a funeral, meeting a friend who wants to talk about someone who is not in your life anymore, or going to a place that echoes with memories. The grief might begin when things have become more settled, and a person has more time to think and reflect. Grief takes its own time. It cannot be forced. The good news is, that when delayed grief does end, the grief can still be experienced in normal and healthy ways. A person’s grief may be intense and full on for a while, just as it would have been when the loss first happened. Self-care and stress management strategies, can all be helpful. If it becomes overwhelming or hard to cope with, drawing on support networks, talking to someone trusted, joining a support group, visiting a GP, or seeing a grief counsellor, could all be helpful. If a person’s delayed grief appears to be permanent, or there are concerns about the negative effects it’s having on their well-being or health, professional assistance is indicated. This is true for children and teens, as well as adults. Seeing a GP, a counsellor or a psychologist, could assist a person to understand their delayed grief and gradually explore ways to address the loss and release their grief in helpful, healthy and healing ways. Having someone outside their usual network who can help them to take time to stop, think, and talk about the loss can make a very positive difference. You might also be interested in: How to talk to children about death Loss of job Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Anxiety Anxiety is a natural part of how our body prepares for challenges, but when it becomes overwhelming or constant, it can impact daily life and wellbeing. Anxiety is a natural, though often uncomfortable, feeling of worry, nervousness, or fear when we face situations we cannot fully control. It is part of our body’s way of helping us prepare for challenges. Before a stressful event, like an exam, a job interview, or meeting new people, you might notice your heart beating faster, your breathing quickening, and your mind racing. This is your body getting ready to respond to what it perceives as a challenge or threat. Sometimes the “threat” is obvious, such as presenting in front of a group of people. Other times, it is more subtle, for example, attending a social gathering might feel like a big test of how you’ll be perceived, bringing on the same physical responses. In the short term, anxiety can affect sleep, appetite, and concentration. Once the situation passes, the anxiety usually fades. The “What If?” Loop Anxiety often comes with a stream of “what if?” thoughts, such as: What if I fail? What if they do not like me? What if something goes wrong? It can be triggered by new experiences such as starting a new school, moving to a different neighbourhood, or even watching a scary movie. This is a normal human response. What is anxiety telling us? Anxiety is important because it is part of our body’s built-in warning and preparation system. At its core, anxiety is trying to communicate: “Something might threaten your safety or wellbeing.” It alerts us to potential danger or challenge, whether physical (a fast-approaching car) or social (a difficult conversation). “You may need to prepare or act.” Anxiety boosts alertness, sharpens focus, and mobilises energy so we can respond more effectively. “Pay attention to this.” It highlights situations, decisions, or uncertainties that matter to us. In a healthy range, anxiety is protective. It helps us avoid harm, prepare for important events, and adapt to change. It becomes unhelpful when the alarm keeps ringing too loudly, too often, or in situations that are not actually dangerous. Then it can stop us from thinking clearly, taking action, or living the life we want. When Anxiety Becomes a Disorder Anxiety becomes a concern when it: Happens without a clear cause Continues long after the trigger is gone Feels out of proportion to the situation Stops someone from doing everyday activities or things they enjoy Anxiety disorders involve intense, overwhelming fear that can be triggered by specific things such as spiders, heights, or dogs, or by more general situations such as public speaking, illness, or loss. Types of Anxiety Disorders Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) : Ongoing worry about many everyday things, with a sense of being unable to control the worry. This constant anxiety often affects sleep, concentration, and overall wellbeing. Social Anxiety: Intense fear of embarrassment or judgment in social situations, leading to avoidance. This can significantly impact relationships, education, and participation in everyday activities. Separation Anxiety : Experiencing intense distress when apart from loved ones, most commonly seen in children separated from parents or caregivers. The reaction is greater than expected for the person’s age and can interfere with daily activities, such as attending school or visiting friends. Phobias: Extreme, irrational fear of a specific object or situation, for example, birds, water, or heights. This fear can lead to avoidance behaviours that interfere with daily life. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Intrusive thoughts, obsessions and/or ritualistic behaviours, or compulsions that causes extreme anxiety. These behaviours are often repeated to reduce distress, even when the person recognises they are excessive. Common Signs and Symptoms Feeling something bad is about to happen Shaking, sweating, dizziness, or vertigo Stomach aches, headaches, or chest pain Feeling out of control and unable to think clearly Avoiding situations or objects that trigger fear Panic Attacks A panic attack is an extreme version of the body’s fear response. Symptoms can include: Rapid heartbeat Shortness of breath Sweating and nausea Dizziness Fear of losing control or dying These episodes usually peak within 10 minutes and fade within about 30 minutes, but can feel exhausting. People often avoid situations linked to past panic attacks. If you experience a panic attack: Stop what you are doing and, if possible, tell someone nearby. Focus on your breathing and try grounding techniques until you feel calmer. If you feel you might harm yourself or others, call 111 immediately . Grounding technique example: Look around you, while you breathe as calmly as you can, and notice: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell , and 1 thing you can taste. Repeat if needed. How to Support Someone Who Is Anxious Anxiety is not broken; it is a protection system that has become overactive. Acknowledge and validate what they are feeling rather than dismissing it. Face it together. Offer reassurance and stay calm, rather than trying to “rescue” or minimise their feelings. Teach coping skills in calm moments. Breathing and grounding techniques work best when introduced before anxiety strikes. Your calm matters. A steady, supportive presence helps them feel safe enough to practise courage. Getting Help Anxiety disorders can often be treated effectively with therapy, lifestyle changes, relaxation techniques, and in some cases, medication. If you or someone you know is experiencing persistent or severe anxiety, reach out to a GP, counsellor, or mental health professional for support. Useful links: Anxiety In Children | KidsHealth New Zealand's Trusted Voice On Children's Health Anxiety In Children | School Age | Kidspot NZ Anxiety | Mental Health Foundation Dealing with Anxiety in Children & Teens - Hey Sigmund Obsessive compulsive disorder | Mental Health Foundation Listening to Families You might also be interested in: Depression Trauma Autism Spectrum Disorder (Takiwātanga) If you are feeling suicidal Family break-up Parenting Moving house? Helping your kids and teens through it. Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Loss of a pet For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. Loss of a pet — Skylight Trust For many people a pet is a beloved member of the family and when they die it is a significant loss. They could be a cat, dog, bunny, fish, or guinea pig – but we love our pets. They enrich our lives, are close companions, and in some cases, they have been with us our whole life. Whether it was from old age, illness or an accident, our pets will die eventually. When this moment comes, it is natural and expected to feel grief and sadness . In some cases, this grief can be like what we would feel if a close friend passes. When we lose a pet, our feelings can be very complicated. We may feel sadness, but we may feel other things too, such as anger, guilt, fear or one of the other responses to loss. Reactions are going to be different for each person in the family, but this loss can be particularly distressing for children - as they are likely, to have grown with their pet - or when the pet had a companionship role for someone in the family, (when they live with a mature couple after their children have moved, or when a person lives only with their pet). We may also experience sadness and anger if people don't seem to understand our loss, or they say things like, "But it's only a pet, why don't you get a new one?". We may feel guilt, like you could have done something differently, or you could have spent more time with your pet. Whatever you are feeling, it's OK to grieve the loss of your pet. Some ideas for helping you and your family to cope with the loss of your beloved pet are: Holding a ceremony such as a funeral or memorial service, can help create some closure, as it is a marker of the passing of a life of a beloved member of the family. Children can participate by decorating the burial box and you can put things inside that your pet liked or things that were important for them (like their blanket or favourite toy) Write a letter or a poem to your pet (children can make a drawing), telling them what they meant in your life. You could either read it at the memorial service or put it in the burial box for them If you are making arrangements for your pet's passing (because of their old age or a terminal illness), you can have the family present, so they can say goodbye. You can plan for them to have the best last day, full of love and treats and surrounded by family, before they pass Take some time-off as a family, to share stories and memories of your pet. This could also happen at the memorial and afterwards you could also light a candle or sing or pray Invite your children to create a memory book or board, with photos and drawings to keep as part of the family photo albums In the burial place, you could either plant a tree, a plant with beautiful flowers or put a special mark or rock, so you can remember where it is and where you and your children can visit, if you wish If you wish you could share your pet's history and photo on a pet's internet memorial website In some areas, there will be pet cemeteries and pet cremation facilities. Your local veterinary staff and funeral directors may have ideas for burial sites. How to support your children after their pet has passed? It is expected that your child may be upset with the loss of their pet, the grieving process is going to be different in each case. Some ideas for you to support them are: Explain in an age-appropriate way what happened or has to happen (in the cases when you know your pet will pass). In some cases, an experience like this will be their first experience with death, so telling them it is OK to cry or to feel sad would be helpful, as they may not understand what they are feeling Respect their timing. If you are making arrangements for your pet to pass away, you child may not want to participate or be present. Encourage them to write them a letter or make a drawing that you can offer to share or leave with the pet (if it's private) or ask them how they would wish to say goodbye, if they want to Pay attention to the days after. Children may seem quieter or withdrawn for a while. Invite them to spend time with you, so you could talk about what they are feeling, ask them what they would like to do that would make them feel better, and if possible and appropriate, do it. If at any point you have concerns about your child or someone in your family, please seek support from a mental health practitioner. You could also explore the other topics in the section for more information and ideas or contact the Resource Centre to request a support information pack. Useful links: Pet Loss Support - Pet Loss Help Coping with the loss of a pet | American Veterinary Medical Association The Stages of Grief - Dealing with Grief - Pet Grief Recovery Pet Farewells | Compassionate | pet cremation Pet Cremation NZ // Pet & Equine Burials >> Animal Cremation You might also be interested in: Bereavement Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

How to talk to children about death What is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Whether it is a close family member who has died or someone they don't personally know, like a famous person - children experience death and parents will be asked about it. But what is the right thing to say, especially at a time when a parent is often going through their own grief? Many parents worry about getting it wrong, but honest answers, concrete terminology and empathy go a long way, 'We don't want them trying to figure it out for themselves.' Benjamin Jensen is a grief counsellor at Skylight - Listen to his interview as he discusses how to talk to children about death with Kathryn Ryan on Radio NZ. You might also be interested in: Bereavement Parenting Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Ageing As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. As people age, they commonly face many changes and losses. Grieving for these, and adjusting to new circumstances, can be hard. Aging is a normal stage of life, with many gains and things to enjoy. However, it brings challenges too. We know that older people face gradual physical changes, but the challenges of aging aren’t only physical. Aging involves a succession of changes and losses, big and small, which can be gradual or sudden. Consequently, older people continually need to adjust. It can feel like they have less and less control over how they want things to be. What’s been lost, can be hard to come to terms with. Such losses naturally affect how people see themselves and their lives, as well as their levels of self-confidence, mood and outlook, overall well-being, and sense of future. Common losses include: The end of employed work after retirement or job loss. This can also mean a changed daily routine, not seeing workmates as before, and needing a new sense of purpose. Financial changes . For most, income levels will decrease when work finishes. Financial worries may increase, with limited dollars to fund current and future needs. Changes in one’s physical body and health . Health challenges typically increase with age. As the physical body ages, people commonly begin to encounter changes in abilities such as eyesight, hearing, balance, continence, or mobility. Loss of memory . It becomes harder to remember things, even if the information is important. This can be very frustrating. Dementia can complicate this further. Loss of independence . A new reliance on others to assist with daily life, and not always being able to do what they want, when they want, how they want. People may need to stop driving. They may need others for the most personal care and hygiene routines. Loss of familiar surroundings. People might need to move away from a home they have lived in for a long time, or from one they do not want to leave. They may also need to give away personal possessions they’re unable to keep. Loss of friends and family . There can be changes in the circle of friends and family. Others may now live at a distance and visit less, or older friends may become ill themselves and unable to keep in touch, and perhaps loved ones may die. Also, older people can become socially isolated if they are less able to join in with life as before. Loss of respect . After years of contributing to family, whānau, and community, as well as being employers or employees, older people can feel side-lined, without status, and less respected. What can help? People respond in individual ways to life challenges. To be in a good position to deal with whatever comes with aging, it can help to: draw on your internal resilience (what attitudes and coping strategies have worked well for you before?) be willing to try new ways of doing things and problem-solve as positively as possible honestly acknowledge challenges and losses, so they can be faced make time to grieve losses in your own way – grief is a normal healing process that can help you gradually adjust to changes communicate how you’re thinking and feeling, and what you’re needing – find someone you trust to talk to when things feel hard or overwhelming, such as your GP, a good friend, a caregiver, a Counsellor, or perhaps call a helpline express and release what’s building up inside (e.g. talk, cry, share memory stories, write down troubling thoughts and feelings, or play music that reflects your mood, walk it out) look after yourself well every day, paying attention to getting some exercise, good rest, and having a nutritious diet keep connected with others – make time to be social and keep in touch with friends and family often use your sense of humour and spend time with those who laugh and have fun do enjoyable things and go to enjoyable places that lift your spirit ask a friend to support you at events or appointments that are stressful for you use your abilities and strengths, whatever age you are, to contribute to things and give you a sense of achievement do things that are meaningful for you or have a sense of purpose find some ways to support others who are finding things challenging too remember the good things life has taught you and brought you ask for help when you need it see a GP about any health or mental health concerns. You might also be interested in: How to build resilience Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Trauma Trauma is a response to either a one-time event or to many adverse experiences over time. Trauma — Skylight Trust Trauma is a response to either a one-time event – such as an earthquake – or to many adverse experiences over time – such as Domestic Violence. After a distressful event, each person involved, will have a different reaction . For some of us, those reactions may be unpredictable emotions, flashbacks of the event, physical symptoms like anxiety, digestive problems, sweating, nausea, dizziness, and an affect on your eating and sleeping patterns etc. What your reaction will be, is dependent on personal factors, but it is important to remember that: traumatic reactions can happen to all of us. It is difficult to manage your reactions to unexpected events, that are out of your control. after a traumatic event, many people can have long-lasting problems, including Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) the symptoms you are experiencing after a traumatic event are the expected responses of your body and mind, trying to adjust. You are not going crazy, but you may need support if the responses are persistent or interfering with your daily life many psychologically well-adjusted and physically healthy people develop PTSD. Remember you are not the only one feeling this way, many people will respond the same to a distressful event by understanding trauma symptoms better, a person can become less fearful of them and better able to manage them, asking for support if they need. You might also be interested in: Anxiety Abusive relationships How to build resilience Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Suicide and rainbow communities Aotearoa has the highest rate of youth suicide in the developed world, with rates for LGBTQI+ people, even higher. If you are concerned about your immediate safety or the safety of someone else – ring 111 Rates of suicide and self-harm in Aotearoa are high by OECD standards. Homosexual youth rates of mental distress, suicidal and self-harm behaviours have been measured up to 12 times the rate for heterosexual youth (Christchurch Health and Development Study 2005). Rates for trans* (transgender or gender-queer) people, are even higher. A report commissioned and published as part of the Ministry of Health's Suicide Prevention Research Fund in 2012, found that LGBTQI+ people have higher lifetime risk for mental health problems, including depression , anxiety , suicide and self-harm, substance misuse and eating disorders, than their peers. Research shows that there are different factors that contribute to increase the risk of suicide in LGBTQI+ communities, especially in young people, such as growing up in harmful environments, being rejected at home, school, church or by other communities, being bullied, the lack of access to safe or supportive spaces and the lack of mental health care. It is the responsibility of everyone, to create safe and nurturing environments. Many LGBTQI+ people face discrimination, bullying, social exclusion and other challenges, that could lead to them developing mental health problems. Negative life experiences can result in mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts or behaviour whether you are LGBTQI+ or not and it is important to seek help as soon as possible. How can you support a LGBTQI+ young person Talk with and listen to them. Find a way that invites them to have an open discussion about sexual orientation and/or gender identity, as this will help them feel loved and supported. Provide support. Respond calmly and use respectful language. Stay involved. Make an effort to know their friends and to know what they are doing, as this can help them stay safe and feel cared about. Be proactive. You can access many organisations and online information resources to learn more about LGBTQI+ needs. If you or someone you know is facing tough times Skylight can offer support through counselling and/or referral to other organisations, or helpful information through our resource centre. You might also be interested in: If you are feeling suicidal Abusive relationships How to build resilience Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Depression Depression is a common illness and needs to be taken seriously. It affects how you feel, the way you think, and the way you act. Depression is more than just feeling a bit down. Feeling stressed, irritable, sad, angry, hopeless, or empty happens to all of us, sometimes. Depression is getting stuck in those feelings, and it doesn't seem like they're going away. They get in the way of daily functioning, relating to people or thinking clearly. People find it hard to talk about feeling low or depressed. There is still a stigma attached to mental illness of any kind. A person may be depressed if they: feel sad or down for a long time - weeks or months don't care about things they used to enjoy sleep a lot or not enough lose or gain weight, or have a different appetite for food can't concentrate feel tired or low in energy feel empty or lonely have unexplained aches and pains, pounding heart or stomach cramps feel guilty, worthless, or hopeless about the future are angrier or more hostile than usual use drugs and alcohol to cope with their feelings harm or hurt themselves on purpose talk about suicide or say they want to die. It is important to find the right help. Depression can be treated. For mild depression, self-help strategies like regular exercise, mindfulness, good sleep, can be helpful. For more severe depression, see your GP who can help you decide about medication, counselling and/or psychological therapy. Helpful youth websites include: SPARX  which is a free online therapy that helps young people learn skills to deal with feeling down, depressed, or stressed and The Lowdown For further information see attachments and links . Common Ground - The Mental Wealth Project Depression | Mental Health Foundation Home | Depression and Anxiety | Depression and Anxiety | Welcome to a Brand New Day You might also be interested in: Anxiety Bereavement Loss of health Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe

Bereavement When someone close to you dies Bereavement is the term used to describe the time of sadness and loneliness experienced after the death of someone you love. Grief refers to the emotions and reactions we have and is a normal and natural response to loss. It takes time and can affect every part of us. The emotional and mental pain that is so intense, will gradually ease, even though you may not feel like it will. Grief can be so powerful, and ebbs and flows like a wave. The thoughts, feelings , and reactions you have can: come and go crash on you all at once blend into each other be brief and intense be hard to describe be scary or numbing and paralysing feel out of control or be delayed and come later. Grief is hard work and can leave you feeling exhausted. It is Ok, not to feel Ok. Everyone is different , your grief is unique to you. There is no wrong or right way to experience grief, grief has no rules or timetable, it will eventually get easier to handle. Take the time and space you need to grieve in your own way. Your loss will always be part of your life and will be triggered every now and then and it may feel like it is one step forward and two backwards. Your grief healing process isn't about fixing it, or making it disappear, it is about assisting you to adjust to all the changes in your life, by helping you to come to terms with it physically, mentally, spiritually, socially, and emotionally. Tips for managing your grief: allow yourself to cry letting it out- getting it out small bursts at a time - talk it, write it, draw it, do it physically by playing a sport connect with friends and family to share memories telling someone you trust what is going on inside you, can be a great release look after yourself - eat well, drink water, exercise, get enough sleep and be gentle on yourself. You might also be interested in: Depression How to talk to children about death Delayed grief Subscribe to our newsletter Looking for more support? Sign up to receive resources, reflections, and updates in your inbox. Email address* Subscribe