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Kathryn, our CEO, took some time this week to write about her reflections on an article that came across her desk - Lived experience perspectives on resilience, mental health, and wellbeing: a focus group study of individual, social, and systemic determinants in Aotearoa New Zealand (BMC Public Health | Springer Nature Link) Reading the latest lived-experience research on resilience and mental health, I was struck – and often humbled - by how clearly people described resilience not as a badge you earn alone, but as a collective web you are held by. That framing resonated deeply. It refocused resilience as not just an individual trait to be “fixed” or “trained,” but also as a relational capacity between people, whānau, communities, culture, and the natural world. Highlighting that those relationships need balance for wellbeing to take root. My first thought: Resilience is a Relationship. Throughout the article, I kept returning to the systems view; that resilience emerges from interacting determinants across individual, relational, and structural levels. In practice, that means we can’t separate a person’s coping skills from the safety of their housing, the fairness of their workplace, the water quality of their awa, the kai on their table, or the trust they hold in local services. When those layers line up, people flourish; when they don’t, even the strongest individuals are stretched beyond what’s reasonable. This relational lens is why Te Whare Tapa Whā continues to anchor our practice at Skylight, with hinengaro, tinana, wairua, and whānau each needing care, and each sustaining the others. The whenua and the environment sustain and nourish us. More personally, it’s why the parks of London were so important to me when my first pēpi (and the second one) arrived. Walking became an everyday ritual that gave shape and purpose when life felt upside down. When we arrived back home in Aotearoa, it continued as the bush walks we took when dad was at work. It’s also why the idea of extended and chosen family resonated. People described social connection and reciprocity - mutual support, trust, and obligations - as both a buffer against adversity and an active resource for recovery. That reminds me that “support” is not a service you receive; it is a relationship you’re part of. I’m glad for my whānau – the blood relatives and the ones I’ve chosen to call family, like the Chocolate Fish wāhine and the best chick at my wedding. Love you always. My second takeaway: Purpose, Hope, and Agency – Personal and Collective. Happiness and purpose repeatedly emerged as inextricably linked, and how that matters. It reminded me of the season after my baby’s birth, when simply pushing the pram to the park every day provided the purpose to steady me. Equally powerful was this articulation of hope: “It’s tough and it can get better. You have to recognise the dark to believe in the light.” And how I could connect that to working at Skylight, where we help people move from the darkness to the light (gee, that got me). I was moved by accounts of intergenerational hope and the possibility of ending intergenerational trauma - and by the participant who “lived without hope for 20 or 30 years” before reconnecting through poetry. It reinforced for me that resilience doesn’t always follow clinical timelines. It emerges, sometimes years later, through creativity, relationships, and reconnection. Passing strengths forward to the next generation came through as a profound, practical form of hope. The notion that “It ends with me”. Powerful. Agency mattered too - both the courage to want help and the collective agency of communities getting on with it. Time and again, people described communities acting for themselves, not waiting for something to happen. That aligns with what we see in our work and from my former time with the local government - the most enduring change is co-designed, locally led, and grounded in both cultural and community strengths. A reflection: Let’s Name the Structural Realities. Something else that struck me hard was the structural conditions that undermine resilience. Poverty increases health vulnerabilities. No one should have to choose between medication and kai. It serves as a reminder that five-hour waits in emergency departments, polluted rivers, the trade-offs between heat or food are not just “social determinants” but structural determinants. The term structural violence – the ongoing production of inequity through policy and systems - is language that is uncomfortable but appropriate. It also reminded me to check my own advantage as a cisgender white woman - and the responsibility that comes with that privilege to advocate for fairer settings. Financial security stood out as a fundamental protective factor. As one person put it: “How can you be resilient when you’re in survival mode every day?” That rang very true. This research framed resilience and distress as syndemic - a term I hadn’t heard of before, but which we see all too often. Poverty, barriers to healthcare, mental health challenges, ecological loss, and racism amplifying one another in vicious cycles. In systems terms, people described feedback loops - some positive and generative, others negative and reinforcing, to help explain why individually focused interventions, on their own, often deliver limited or short-lived impact. If we don’t shift the conditions, we’re asking people to swim upstream forever, constantly fighting to get to the finish line. My final takeaway: Situating Culture, Environment, and Time. Cultural and spiritual beliefs and practice - and cultural revival - were described as powerful resilience assets. A notion that aligns with what we hear every day: identity, language, and connection to whenua and culture and whakapapa are protective in ways that clinical approaches alone seem unable to replicate. Environmental decline was identified as directly reducing resilience, specifically this one line, “We’ve traded environmental health for economic growth, but what’s the real cost to our wellbeing?”. It reminded me that economic policy is health policy - and environmental policy too. Another idea to reframe my own perspective was a reference to “Indigenous temporalities” and non-linear time, which doesn’t move only forward; it spirals, returns, and layers. These ideas remain with me to forefront how cultural backgrounds and differences work to make us stronger. Especially r efusal - the choice not to engage on colonial terms - was named as a form of resilience. That challenged me in a good way. What This Means for Skylight: Here’s what I’m taking forward, and what I believe the sector must deliver: Hold tamariki, whānau and relational wellbeing at the centre. Keep applying Te Whare Tapa Whā and include extended and chosen whānau. Use tools that honour lived experience. Story mapping (which we use in Travellers) remains a powerful way to surface patterns, strengths, and next steps from people’s own narratives. Confront structural determinants. Advocate for policies that reduce survival-mode living: income adequacy, housing security, and accessible, culturally safe care. If someone is choosing between medication and feeding their kids, it’s an impossible choice. Advocacy is a clinical response. Invest in trust. Trust is both the bridge into support and often the support itself. We must be consistently present, accountable, and transparent - especially for those who have been let down. Design with, not for. In addition to ensuring we are meeting the aspirations of our clients, we need to ensure society is investing in community-designed and community-led solutions that address multiple needs at once. Measure what matters. We need more work on the wellbeing side of economic analysis in Aotearoa to understand the real bottom line. If our measures don’t see it, our policies won’t fix it. Back Indigenous leadership. I’m excited by the potential of “Indigenous-designed, Indigenous-led, Indigenous-governed research and practice”. Keep shifting norms. We’ve come a long way in removing shame around mental health; we must keep going - normalising support-seeking, naming trauma, and celebrating the everyday practices that keep us well. A Closing Reflection What resonated most for me is simple and demanding: resilience is a shared project. It lives in the quiet rituals (a pram pushed to the park), in the courage to ask for help, in the trust between neighbours, who is our whānau, our identity and in the health of our rivers. If we see resilience as a property of people and place, we are called to keep doing two things at once: strengthen individual and whānau capacities, and change the conditions that make wellbeing possible. Let’s learn by doing things differently - together - and keep shifting the system so that hope and resilience aren’t a heroic act, but a reasonable expectation. Read the article here: Lived experience perspectives on resilience, mental health…

This week marks the International Day of Transgender Visibility — a timely moment to spotlight research undertaken by the University of Waikato on the mental health of transgender people in Aotearoa. 'It’s how the world around you treats you for being trans’: mental health and wellbeing of transgender people in Aotearoa New Zealand (2022) Article: Tan, K. K. H., Schmidt, J. M., Ellis, S. J., Veale, J. F., & Byrne, J. L. (2022). ‘It’s how the world around you treats you for being trans’: mental health and wellbeing of transgender people in Aotearoa New Zealand. Psychology & Sexuality , 13 (5), 1109–1121. Before diving into some of what the research discusses, we thought it would be helpful to give a definition of the term  transgender.  Transgender is an umbrella term, used to encompass a range of varying gender identities; such as trans men, trans women, and non-binary. As transgender as a term is quite broad, the authors in this piece were purposeful in usage of the terms used in reference to ethnicity, gender, and age. Cisgenderism and gender minority stress " Cisgenderism refers to discriminatory attitudes, policies, and practices against transgender people at systemic level, which may be related to cisnormativity that identifies cisgender people as the dominant, normal, and superior group" Looking at this definition, we can very easily see how gender minority stress might arise. Cisgenderism creates prejudice, discrimination and violence, impacting the people affected by it, the ones that don’t fit the mold. Transgender people face many difficulties in accessing mental health care that is equitable and knowledgeable despite the importance of these factors. Gender-affirming healthcare is not yet standard, adding to the barriers that exist for transgender people accessing healthcare services. Research all around the world has demonstrated stark mental health inequities that affect transgender people when compared to someone that is cisgender. In Aotearoa New Zealand we don’t have that same kind of research yet, making it harder to know the impacts in our own communities. Research is also lacking in the investigation of the impact of social factors on mental health outcomes. In this research the authors explore the impact of environmental factors, like social supports and the mental health needs of transgender people in Aotearoa New Zealand. Through interviewing and survey, the authors gather personal experiences that tell us some of the key struggles of being transgender in Aotearoa. Results The authors analysis of their surveys and interviews showed four themes, showing some of the most important factors are for transgender people seeking support. These four factors do tie together, however for now we’ll just have a quick overview of the themes, rather than diving into how they are all interlinked. Gender-affirming care One prevalent issue in Aotearoa New Zealand that was found is the unmet need for gender-affirming health care. Many participants in this study expressed how they had not had the care they needed, along with the negative mental health impacts that they experienced as a result. One participant shared that ‘depression is experienced due to the mismatch between one's physical body and their psychological self-image.’ Currently, trying to take steps as a trans person to feel more comfortable in their body, is un-affordable and years away within the public health system. Having information about how this impacts those affected is key to growing an understanding of the transgender experience, and how we can improve. Mental healthcare service and accessibility Support for managing mental health struggles is already limited among the general population. Participants in this study were shown to be experiencing higher rates of mental health-related burdens, including suicidal thoughts and attempts. The options for mental health care are made smaller for transgender people due to limited access to gender-affirming psychological interventions and training for clinicians. This is added to the struggles that the general population face with long waiting times, and symptoms worsening due to waiting times are all factors that contribute to poor mental health outcomes. Gender minority stress Participants talked about their experiences with marginalisation and prejudice in healthcare settings and in their everyday lives. Throughout this study participants link their mental health struggles back to them having to navigate identity in a world that isolates and discriminates against transgender people. As one participant shares, ‘the notion of one's transgender identity being pathological is not true, because it is the distress and harm caused by the way society treats transgender people. ‘ Self-affirmation and social support Emerging evidence finds that supportive and affirmative family environments can mitigate mental health concerns caused by gender minority stress. Participants in this study agree with this finding, sharing personal stories of support from family and the resulting improvement to their mental health. This shows that despite the systemic struggles; there are still ways to support people in our lives trying to navigate cisgenderism. Conclusion The authors of this article are adding to knowledge around transgender identities, moving us away from the previous world view that being trans and poor mental health are interlinked. This study's findings support how lack of access to educated mental health services and gender minority stress cause these mental health inequities. Transgender people have greater healthcare needs due to the gender minority stress they experience. Accessing gender-affirming treatment is also challenging for many reasons, like the strain on the system that already exists, and the specific needs of transgender people making their pool of suitable options smaller. The authors note that the lack of transgender-specific training among mental health professionals is likely to be contributing to the root cause of this problem. Luckily, they provide a variety of suggestions for how to be more inclusive as clinicians, some of which might be helpful for people in other similar support roles. A personal note from Orla (they/them), Skylight Counsellor. “Environment can have a huge impact on people’s mental health, so looking at the social impacts that affect the rainbow community, it makes sense why we see such a need. Young people already have a lot to manage, and this is another thing that transgender people need to navigate alongside that. The more we can understand how people are impacted in Aotearoa, the more we can work with them to create better outcomes. As someone within the rainbow community, I’m passionate about enacting gender affirming care and standards on a local level. I’m hopeful that over time, this will become the standard.” Skylight offers knowledgeable and sensitive counselling for youth in Aotearoa. If you, a friend, or someone else you know is struggling with their mental health, please reach out to our counselling team today.

World Youth Report: Youth Mental Health and Well-being | DESA Publications The World Youth Report, a publication created by the UN, looks at youth mental health and well-being of nearly 3,000 young people from 137 countries. This report examines six dimensions across a young person's life: education, employment, family and relationships, poverty and deprivation, technology and online environment, and society. For each dimension, they explore the factors that influence wellbeing. “Being young means having options; It means having a whole life ahead of you. But today, being young also means not being sure whether the world will allow you to have a future in it. Jorina Kaminski, during the launch of the report. To collect the data, the researchers used an online questionnaire filled out by almost 3,000 respondents. They also ran eight focus groups, and conducted nine one-on-one interviews with individuals across the globe. Reflections from Kathryn Ross, Skylight CEO Every week, I meet rangatahi and whānau who are doing everything right and still struggling. That’s what keeps bringing me back to a simple, confronting truth: the socioeconomic determinants of health shape youth mental health so profoundly that frontline services can feel like an ambulance permanently parked at the bottom of a very high cliff.  We’ll always turn up with care and skill - that’s our mission. But if we want different outcomes, we also need to build fences at the top: decent incomes, stable housing, inclusive schools, supported parents, safe communities, and services that are easy to access without stigma.  The World Youth Report on Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing    examines how youth mental health and well-being are shaped by six social determinants – education, employment, family dynamics, poverty, technology, and societal attitudes. It highlights how inequalities in these areas create disparities in mental health outcomes and that stigma, discrimination, and unequal access to opportunities and care compound risks for young people.   The evidence is stark. Socioeconomically disadvantaged tamariki and rangatahi are two to three times more likely than their more advantaged peers to develop mental health problems. Persistently low socioeconomic status is strongly related to the onset of mental health difficulties, with low household income and low parental education among the strongest predictors. Pathways include economic stress, chaos in the home, and community violence, often mediated by parental depression, conflict, and parenting practices shaped by relentless pressure.  This isn’t about a lack of love or effort. It’s about what poverty does to families over time.  Read more...

Over 6,000 New Zealand children and their families are central to Growing Up in New Zealand, the country's most extensive contemporary longitudinal study on child development. This University of Auckland study has been tracking these children's lives since 2009 and 2010, even before their birth. Researchers visit the children and their parents approximately every three years to collect essential data, growing our understanding of what it means to grow up in the complex world of 21st-century New Zealand. The 6,000 children make up a dataset that represents the ethnic and socioeconomic diversity of New Zealand today, providing an accurate depiction of the varied experiences of our tamariki. Now we are Fifteen: This is the most recent report on the findings from the group of young people as they move through middle adolescence. The information for this part of the study was collected in 2025 from more than 4,000 young people and their main caregivers, when they were around 15 years old and in Year 11 at school. The findings from the 15-Year Checkpoint are detailed in three snapshot reports that examine young people's educational experiences, mental health and wellbeing, as well as their encounters with self-harm and suicidal thoughts. These snapshots provide important insights into life at age 15 and emphasise the factors influencing learning, resilience, and connection during this developmental stage. The snapshot findings are: Mental health and wellbeing patterns varied across gender identities: cisgender girls, transgender, and non-binary youth reported higher anxiety and depression symptoms, and poorer mental wellbeing than cisgender boys, yet also reported more positive peer relationships. Overall, young people who were identified as having a disability reported poorer mental wellbeing, less positive peer relationships, and higher symptoms of anxiety and depression compared to those without a disability. Experiencing any form of discrimination was associated with lower levels of mental wellbeing, higher anxiety symptoms, higher depression symptoms, and having less positive peer relationships. Higher school satisfaction and higher academic buoyancy was associated with greater mental wellbeing, fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression, and more positive peer relationships. Most young people reported relatively positive peer relationships: 84% of young people reported having good friends, and 79% reported trusting their friends.  When other factors are considered, having positive peer relationships was linked to better mental well-being and lower anxiety and depression symptoms. These snapshots provide an intriguing overview of what these young people are currently experiencing. Young people are experiencing anxiety, depression, and discrimination, which are all contributing to worse outcomes in other areas of life. However, the power of supportive and positive peer relationships is incredible for young people. Almost 40% of young people said that their friends consistently encouraged them to talk about their difficulties. Furthermore, positive peer relationships were fostered by greater cultural connection, not experiencing discrimination, greater satisfaction with school, and higher levels of academic buoyancy. As a mental health charity that supports young people, these findings are both concerning and hopeful. We believe in the resilience of young people, and it is truly heartwarming to see just how meaningful and powerful good relationships can be. For LGBTQ+ youth and youth with disabilities who experience worse mental health outcomes and treatment, we know that they deserve better prevention and postvention resources to increase their well-being. Programmes, such as Travellers or Tai-oranga, are well-suited to help young people close to this age range by encouraging resilience and wellbeing through various activities and formats. If this programme, or other Skylight programmes sound like a good fit, or you just want to know more, please reach out to us. Explore the website - https://www.growingup.co.nz/now-we-are-fifteen to learn more about this study and their reports.

From the most recent NZ Health survey, it was reported that young adults had experienced the highest rate of psychological distress. As measured in 2024/25, 22.9% of young adults (15–24 years old) experienced high or very high levels of psychological distress in the four weeks prior to the survey. With nearly 23% of young people experiencing high levels of distress, a number that has tripled since the survey in 2014, there is certainly cause for concern. Within the same survey, it was reported that young men experienced a significantly lower rate (15.8%) of high or very high levels of psychological distress compared to young woman (29.2%). Pacific and Māori adults experienced the highest rates of high or very high psychological distress in 2024/25 – sitting at 23.8% of Pacific adults (about 69,000 people) and 22.5% of Māori adults (about 147,000 people). Both Pacific and Māori were significantly more likely to have high or very high psychological distress than non-Pacific and non-Māori respectively. Disabled adults were 3.47 times as likely to have experienced high or very high levels of psychological distress in the past four weeks compared to non-disabled adults. In terms of helping seeking, there were low percentages of those seeking professional help. And around 2.5% of adults (about 974,000 people) consulted family, whānau, and/or friends for help with mental health – a significant increase compared to 2023/24 (16.0%).   From those seeking Skylight's help, we are seeing that Anxiety (23%) and Grief (23%) are the main causes of distress from our clients, alongside emotional dysregulation and family issues. Non suicidal self-harm (NSSI) was noted in 8.6% of referrals, which is a considerable increase from the previous two months.   The reasons for this are unknown and not widely reported on, but it is possible that social media is intensifying anxiety, body image concerns and cyberbullying pressures among rangatahi. Not to mention how high-stress environments (like academic pressure, family stress and economic strain) are compounding mental health challenges.  Our stance is clear: although we need to invest in crisis response, it is crucial to prevent our young people from needing it initially by investing in protective factors like belonging, identity, and more. The prevention programmes we offer, like Pathfinders, Tai-oranga, Te Korowai, and Travellers (as well as counselling), are a good place to start. But so much more funding and counselling support is needed if we are to bring down the percentage of young people experiencing such high levels of distress. As an organisation, we are prepared to go where there is a need. And we urge you to get in touch to discuss prevention and postvention programmes, counselling, or for self-funding (or applications for funding with us to get us there).   You can read the NZ Health Survey 2024/2025 mental health and substance use data summary here

Children and young adults are increasingly turning to online platforms for information, resources, and support related to mental health. Among others, ADHD is fast becoming a popular topic to speak about online. Which begs the question... what could the psychoeducational quality of these TikTok videos be? Good thing there is an exact paper on this very topic! A double-edged hashtag: Evaluation of #ADHD-related TikTok content and its associations with perceptions of ADHD. Authors: Karasavva, V., Miller, C., Groves, N., Montiel, A., Canu, W., & Mikami, A. (2025). The background of the intersection of ADHD and TikTok. Firstly, it is a readily accessible app that millions of people worldwide spend at least 1 hour per day on. Secondly, it is a user-driven platform; TikTok offers people a place to discuss and seek information about personal experiences. Sometimes, TikTok can offer a space for empowerment and community, and a space to discuss topics with less stigma attached. Thirdly, it is important to note that TikTok engagement and algorithms create preferences for short, snappy, controversial, and easy-to-watch content. As a result, there is less room for nuance and more room for misinformation from the content itself, the perception, and the way the content is interpreted. As a result, this study aimed to assess the psychological principles and educational quality behind 100 of the most popular TikTok videos on ADHD, collectively boasting half a billion views worldwide. To do so, they compared the evaluations of two clinical psychologists with the perspectives and viewing behaviours of 800 undergraduate students. The clinical psychologists were asked to rate 100 of the most popular videos on the accuracy of the symptoms listed in the video, according to the DSM-5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (widely used by clinicians to diagnose and treat mental disorders). The results: The clinical psychologists rated only 50% of the videos they watched as accurately describing a symptom of ADHD as described by the DSM-5. In terms of nuance, only 4.1% of videos included an acknowledgment of applicability, and only 1.4% acknowledged the presence of this symptom in an individual without ADHD. Furthermore, almost 40% of the claims relating to treatment were based on personal experience without acknowledging that it may not work for everyone. The undergraduate participants were asked to watch and rate the top five videos and bottom five videos as decided by the psychologists. They rated the top five videos from the psychologists less favourably, and rated the bottom five videos from the psychologists more favourably. If nothing else, this indicates a misalignment of preferences between psychologists and participants, in which the top five videos, as rated with the best psychoeducational aspects (in relation to the other videos), were not evaluated highly by participants. As the authors discuss, participants might value relatability and genuineness more favourably than academic background or clinical adherence. Undergraduate participants with a greater level of ADHD-TikTok consumption also reported a higher incidence rate of ADHD in the population, and among family and friends. However, this incidence rate was estimated as higher in the whole undergraduate participant group, too. Any conclusions? The authors reported that a higher frequency of watching ADHD-related TikTok videos was associated with an increased likelihood of recommending TikTok for psychoeducational purposes. And they theorise that frequent exposure to similar content could lead participants to believe that this content is accurate (personal videos based on experiential accounts of ADHD). As a result, the content in these videos might be interpreted as typical of the ADHD experience, and therefore (might) link to the perceived higher incidence rate of ADHD in the general population. This study did not conclude that TikTok shouldn't be used at all, as it is still an important service that offers a platform for viewers to share experiences and create communities. They do note a caveat about social media and mental health; "The same TikTok algorithm may allow misconceptions about ADHD to proliferate, strengthening users’ beliefs in the accuracy of the information they are seeing." The authors finish by acknowledging the power of social media in shaping public understanding of mental health-related topics. And they note that platforms, like TikTok, are important for information accessibility and destigmatisation. The final takeaway of the study highlights the potential dangers of using anecdotal content as a source of information. Maybe next time you watch a TikTok about which common behaviour indicates ADHD, you'll think about where this information came from, and how trustworthy it is. My thoughts: Overall, I found this a really interesting read, and I thought it was very topical given how much content I see online relating to ADHD. I'd be interested in hearing from you as well, so let me know what you think in the comments 👇👇👇 Article : Karasavva, V., Miller, C., Groves, N., Montiel, A., Canu, W., & Mikami, A. (2025). A double-edged hashtag: Evaluation of #ADHD-related TikTok content and its associations with perceptions of ADHD. PLOS ONE , 20 (3), e0319335. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0319335

Ambiguous loss, or ambiguous grief, refers to the loss that is felt without resolution or closure. The term was first coined in psychological research by Pauline Boss in 1977, but has been written about decades earlier by poets. Since then, ambiguous loss has expanded from its original meaning regarding grief from war to a spectrum of contexts in which grief is felt without closure (Boss & Yeats, 2014). As the title explains, ambiguous loss creates a complicated type of grief. It may appear similar to the confusion, ambiguity, and sadness felt after a loved one dies, but the defining factor in this case is that the loss itself is ambiguous. To clarify, when someone dies and a funeral is held for them, sadness and grief will undoubtedly be felt. But the loss itself is not ambiguous, as the person in this situation has certainly died. But, if a person were to find out that their partner had gone missing overseas (eg. during war), they would feel grief because the situation is ambiguous. The person may feel grief for many years without resolution. Their partner could have died that day, or may remain alive for many more years, without any way of knowing. This example illustrates the grief that arises from ambiguous loss. (example taken from Boss & Yeats, 2014) In their theory, Boss (1999, 2011) proposes two possible types of ambiguous loss; Physical absence with Psychological presence Psychological absence with Physical presence War, Natural disasters, Suicide, Dementia, Major Depression, Medical Coma, This is not an exhaustive list of the situations in which ambiguous loss may occur, but it shows just some of the ways it may show up. For a full list, read Boss and Yeats (2014) summary. Coping with Ambiguous Loss Healthline presents coping strategies to help manage the emotional strain of ambiguous grief from ambiguous loss. Read more here . Acknowledge the ambiguity: The importance of recognising that the loss is unresolved and may take time to process is a critical step in coping with ambiguous grief. Validating the complexity of the feelings involved can bring a sense of relief. Find meaning: Creating rituals or activities that honour the relationship can provide a sense of closure. Finding ways that facilitate meaningful connections, whether through memory or symbolic gestures, can help with healing. Seek support: Connecting with others who understand ambiguous grief can be invaluable. Support groups or counselling can provide validation and a sense of belonging. Practice self-compassion: It is essentia l to be kind to yourself during this challenging process. Recognising that grief is complicated and that it’s OK to feel a range of emotions is an important part of self-care. Professional help: Seeking professional help from therapists who specialise in grief and loss can provide guidance and coping mechanisms for navigating the complicated emotions that come with ambiguous grief. If you, or someone you know, is struggling, reach out now: Sources: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/271943194_Ambiguous_loss_A_complicated_type_of_grief_when_loved_ones_disappear https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/what-is-ambiguous-grief

He Tohu is a permanent exhibition in Wellington of 3 iconic constitutional documents that have shaped, and continue to shape, Aotearoa New Zealand. The meaning of 'He Tohu' The name He Tohu means 'the signs', and refers to the unique signatures or marks of those who supported these documents. For Māori these tohu are sacred as those who signed have added their mana. A quick History of the Declaration, Te Tiriti, and the Women's Suffrage petition are important founding documents. Click on the arrows to read a little bit more! 1835 He Whakaputanga o te Rangatiratanga o Nu Tireni – Declaration of Independence of the United Tribes of New Zealand He Whakaputanga is New Zealand’s first ‘constitutional document’ — a document that defines the existence of the nation, who is in control of it, and how it will be run. It is also one of the earliest assertions of Māori identity beyond separate iwi and hapū. The word ‘whakaputanga’ is usually translated as ‘declaration’, but it can also mean ‘emergence’ — the emergence of a new country. 1840 Te Tiriti o Waitangi – Treaty of Waitangi The Treaty of Waitangi was an agreement between Britain, represented by William Hobson, and New Zealand, represented by many rangatira. First signed at Waitangi on 6 February 1840, Te Tiriti o Waitangi is the agreement that Aotearoa New Zealand is built on. It has often been hotly debated, and at times ignored or broken but, for many New Zealanders, it remains a source of hope and optimism for our future. 1893 Women’s Suffrage Petition – Te Petihana Whakamana Pōti Wahine The Women’s Suffrage Petition — Te Petihana Whakamana Pōti Wahine led to New Zealand becoming the first country in the world where all women gained the right to vote in general elections. He Tohu is a beautiful whare for displaying these documents. Each room is named with mana and purpose, and the surrounding areas are interactive, visually accessible, and architecturally designed. It is the only place in Aotearoa where one can view all of our founding documents in the flesh. They also have a YouTube filled with easy-to-follow resources about the 3 founding documents. A video created by He Tohu to explain more about the founding documents. A Visit to He Tohu before Waitangi Day In light of Waitangi Day, the team took a trip to He Tohu as an opportunity to learn more and reflect. There was certainly a lot to read up about, and we wholeheartedly recommend the exhibition, He Tohu. They offer both guided tours (for yourself) and school tours (for your students)! Below is a series of photos captured on the team's visit to He Tohu.

As we approach the 6th of February, 2026, it is important that we collectively recognise the significance of Waitangi Day as a day of remembrance, acknowledgement, and responsibility. For many Kiwi across the motu, Waitangi day will signify a broken promise (and much more). And while others look forward to the long weekend, this year we encourage you to take this opportunity to learn more! What is it? Waitangi Day matters because it marks the moment Aotearoa was founded on a promise, Te Tiriti o Waitangi, and the ongoing reality that this promise has been repeatedly breached. It is a reminder that colonisation is not just in the past, but structural and lived, shaping land loss, whānau separation, state violence, inequity, and trauma that continue to affect a number of communities, especially Māori. A little history: In 1840, Te Tiriti o Waitangi was signed by over 500 rangatira (chiefs) of the hapū and representatives of the British Crown (Queen Victoria). There was extensive discussion about Te Tiriti o Waitangi (the treaty text in te reo Māori) before it was signed. Essentially, Te Tiriti o Waitangi is a commitment to a relationship of peace and mutual benefit. It allowed for European settlers to come here while affirming the authority of hapū. Why it matters. Most importantly, Waitangi Day is not just about Māori. It is about the formation of the current Government and Parliament, whose authority was overridden, and who benefits from that arrangement today. Te Tiriti is a constitutional agreement. And while the responsibility sits with the Crown and its institutions, it also sits with us to not forget, to take action, and to achieve justice. Finally, Waitangi Day is not about guilt. It is about responsibility and choice. Take a look at the events happening in your area, and join in the celebrations of both tangata whenua and tangata te tiriti, but keep learning about Waitangi Day as well. Use this weekend as an opportunity to engage in both Te Tiriti and Aotearoa's History. So with that in mind, let's get educated and start sharing more knowledge about our important founding document and its ongoing effects today. First, the Parenting Place NZ have a fantastic article on how to introduce your children to Waitangi Day and the history of Te Tiriti o Waitangi. These two awesome articles: An article by Andy Fyers (2018) which highlights the massive loss of Māori land to the Crown and its devastating effects on Māori population, culture, and wellbeing.  Read here: A great article from the Spinoff providing an extensive overview of literature and media for learning about Te Tiriti o Waitangi in all forms. Read here: A six-episode video series, What Really Happened: Waitangi , that depicts the two days leading up to the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi and its translation process. “Written by Gavin Strawhan, with novelist Witi Ihimaera as story consultant, Waitangi: What Really Happened  is an entertaining, colourful, docu-drama about the days leading up to and including the signing of the treaty, revealing the incredible story and the characters behind the treaty's creation. The premise of the show involves a reporter time-travelling to 1840, where he finds a host of colourful characters all playing a vital role in what later became Kiwi history.” And lastly, Together for Te Tiriti is an awesome campaign dedicated to providing information, resources, and support. They have a range of online resources to check out!  Click here:

Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief and loss. This 2-part series explores what grief can look like for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school children, older children and teenagers. We also offer clear, age-appropriate ideas to help you support them. In Part 1, we explored how babies, children, and teenagers sometimes appear to not be impacted by the loss, even when they are grieving or processing feelings. Babies, children, and teenagers tend to move between grieving and seeming okay; however, they will also be looking for reassurance and comfort from their normal routines and activities. Part 2 looks at primary school-aged children and up. Loss and grief are often unexpected, and at times, can feel quite unmanageable. It is important to remember that grief is a lot like a journey, with ups and downs. And the same goes for children. Things to consider The way a child or young person grieves after the death of a loved one will be influenced by several factors, including: age, gender, their developmental stage, personality, the ways they usually react to 'big feelings’, their relationship with the person who has died, earlier experiences of loss or death, family circumstances, how others around them are grieving, the amount of support around them. Primary school children Primary school children are still learning to understand death and may have some confusion about it. They may think death is temporary, or that the person who has died may still feel things, such as feeling cold, hungry, or lonely etc. They may ask where the person is now, and have blunt questions to ask about what happened to the person and to their body. Explaining death to them is very important. Especially using clear language, rather than euphemisms. Common reactions can include: Looking for the person who has died, dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died blaming themselves for the death easily distracted, forgetful anxious – increased fears e.g. of the dark, of personal safety clinginess – wants to be near you or others withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses fretful, distressed, not wanting to go to school feeling embarrassment or feeling different from others concealment of their loss physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, body aches, irritable, more tantrums, defiant, or developing antisocial or aggressive behaviour changes in eating or sleeping habits toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling These sorts of behaviours can feel quite confusing, for both you and your child. But there are ways to assist their grieving process. How to help them: Frequently reassure them that they are safe, and that someone is looking after them Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Tell them you know they are sad – and encourage words that describe feelings Reduce separation from them as much as possible Allow curious questions and provide honest answers Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and encouragment Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they can understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die, Let them help with planning the funeral or another ritual to remember the loss Provide comfort items, such as a cuddly toy, a special blanket, etc. Encourage play –children often use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities. Older children 10-12 All of the above behaviours and suggestions relate to this age group, but it’s important to be aware that by this age, children understand that death is final. They are also more aware of how adults and others around them are reacting to death. This group may also: be especially anxious about the safety of family and friends, and themselves, may try very hard to please adults and not worry them, and then not let themselves grieve, feel stronger emotional reactions, such as anger, guilt, a sense of rejection, want to take on more adult responsibilities, and try very hard to please, feel embarrassment – feel different from peers – conceal their loss from friends become more focused on what’s happened and ask questions, think about it a lot, have dreams about it, and perhaps want to talk about it often to others They need all of the help in the previous section, plus: time to talk with you and other trusted adults when they need to, regular reassurance – spoken, and with encouraging physical touch (such as hugs, pat on the back, etc.), honesty about related events (like funerals) and feelings, to know you understand their grief, regular encouragement, avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age they are. Teenagers By adolescence, death is accepted as part of life, but it may not have affected a teenager personally yet. Their reactions may fluctuate between earlier age group reactions and reactions that are more adult-adjacent. They will likely want to be with friends more than family as they seek support. They may find the intensity of emotion overwhelming or scary and not be able to find the words or ways to talk about them with others. They may want to feel like they’re coping, and be seen as doing that, but inside be hurting a great deal, or be putting their emotions on a shelf for a later time. Death can impact teenagers a lot, and some may react with risk-taking behaviour to escape the feelings and reality. For example, drinking, drugs, sexual contact, or reckless driving. Common reactions can include: easily distracted, forgetful, difficulty concentrating at school, unsettled in class, change in class performance, not wanting to go to school, overwhelmed by intense reactions, such as anger, guilt, fear, difficulty expressing the intensity of their emotions, or a conflict of emotions blame towards themselves for the death, anxious – increased fears about of other’s safety, and their own, have questions or concerns about death, dying, mortality, dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died, wants to be with family or friends more, social withdrawal, physical complaints, such as tummy ache, headaches, aching, irritable, defiant, more antisocial or aggressive behaviour, risk-taking behaviour for escape or comfort, changes in eating or sleeping habits, jokes or humour to mask feelings, saying or acting like they don’t care, wanting to take on more adult responsibilities, trying very hard to please, strained relationships with others – fear or awkwardness about being close to others, feeling embarrassment – feeling different from peers – may conceal their loss, increased loneliness, reduced self-image, lower self esteem, possible suicidal thoughts, possible move from sadness into depression. How to help them: be honest and let them know exactly what is happening, be willing to listen, and available to talk with about whatever they need to talk about acknowledge the emotions they may be feeling (fear, sadness, anger ,etc.) for you, or other adults, to share personal feelings regarding the loss frequently reassure them they are safe, have someone caring for them, and have access to adults they can trust for further support keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible talk to them about grief – what it is, that it’s normal, that everyone manages differently, avoid expectations of adult behaviour – allow them to be the age and stage they are encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings - give them ideas of things they could try, such as do physical activities, write, sing, listen to music, talk with friends, read, etc. speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them, talk about death together, answer any questions they may have, Encourage assistance in planning the funeral or something else to remember their loss. Conclusion Bereaved children and teens will need ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones and develop as individuals. As they get older, they will gain new perspectives and can often have questions about what happened. At any point, if you are concerned about any extreme reactions, or if you think the young person may have become depressed, contact your doctor or other trained adviser, such as a counsellor, senior staff from their school, social worker, community or youth worker or a local family support agency. Skylight offers age-appropriate counselling and grief resources if you or someone you know is struggling with grief.

This feels like a headline we see every week. But what is the research actually saying about this crisis? Distress, waitlists and unmet needs: parents’ reports of child psychological difficulties in Aotearoa New Zealand Kercher et al., 2024 This study, published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Public Health , investigated psychological symptoms (related to anxiety, depression, etc.) and treatment experiences among primary-aged children. The years between 5-11 are critical for children developing resilience emotional, social, and mental health. Given that adolescents who present with depression, self-harm, and substance use have likely experienced difficulties with depression and anxiety in childhood, this is an incredibly important life stage. And we know that rangatahi Māori experience even higher rates due to systematic disadvantage and racism - a hard truth to sit with. So early intervention is incredibly important. The researchers analysed over 350 parental reports, and the results tell us this: Boys scored higher for conduct, hyperactivity, and peer problems (Kercher et al., 2024). Between 24.9 and 34.6% of children experienced abnormal-range symptoms. And for services, approximately 32% of children had been recommended for assessment by a doctor or teacher. And a whopping 95% of parents report difficulties seeking assessment/treatment for their child. The biggest barriers reported were long waitlists, high costs, and not knowing how to contact (Kercher et al., 2024). So what can be done? Priority actions for improving population youth mental health: an equity framework for Aotearoa New Zealand. Fleming et al. (2024) provide a framework for addressing the root of the issue. Increasing treatment availability and reducing wait times are unquestionably important, but alone, they do not reduce the number of children needing these services. In Australia, increased spending on mental health treatment over 11 years did not result in a decline in levels of high psychological distress (Skinner et al., cited in Fleming et al. 2024) As reported in Kercher et al. (2024), only 50% of parents reported improvements in their children after receiving mental health services. The solution needs to focus on the systemic factors that continue to feed this problem Presenting Te Mauri; a six-stage framework that centres equity (Fleming et al. 2024). Embed and enact te Tiriti: the enactment of the original intentions of te Tiriti holds strong for healing all people in Aotearoa. The values from embedding and enacting te Tiriti are consistent with youth voices on respectful relationships, partnership, and anti-racist actions. Ensure human rights-based, consumer-driven, and culturally safe approaches. An approach that is strength-based and effective for indigenous populations. It upholds dignity and resilience, and shifts focus from pathology and punishment - a high priority for young people. Foster leadership and multi-sectoral collaboration: The vital role of effective, collaborative leadership for enhancing population mental health. This is relevant across all sectors and is already a priority among all political parties within parliament. Address determinants of mental health: the cornerstone of population mental health is access to quality education, stability, housing, basic amenities and social inclusion. Especially the proximal factors that promote the biggest influence within young people's lives; in the home, education and community. Early access to quality services: pivotal in preventing youth mental distress. There are currently huge gaps in access to care, especially for indigenous and minoritised groups. This involves young people's ecosystems and communities, screening and care that is accessible not only to young people, but to the family who bridge the gap to get them there. Embed research and evaluation: This means to ensure culturally safe research and reporting that actively benefits communities. As the evidence continues to evolve based on the needs of young people, so should the treatment; it is a cycle that is in constant need of careful attention. This framework unapologetically prioritises those who need mental health support the most. It is broad, but has governing recommendations for implementation. And most importantly, it does not rely on the actions of one, but advocates for us to encourage collective change to ensure we are looking after our rangatahi as best we can. Articles Priority actions for improving population youth mental health: An equity framework for Aotearoa New Zealand (2024) Terry Fleming, Sue Crengle, Roshini Peiris-John, Jude Ball, Sarah Fortune, Esther S. Yao, Cinnamon Lindsay Latimer, Analosa Veukiso-Ulugia, and Terryann C. Clark Distress, waitlists and unmet needs: parents’ reports of child psychological difficulties in Aotearoa New Zealand (2024) Amy Kercher, Seona Beattie, Liesje Donkin, Daniel Shepherd.

Age-by-age guidance to support children and young people through grief and loss. This 2-part series explores what grief can look like for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, primary school children, older children and teenagers. We also offer clear, age-appropriate ideas to help you support them. Loss and grief are often unexpected, and at times, can feel quite unmanageable. It is important to remember that grief is a lot like a journey, with ups and downs. And the same goes for children. Things to consider The way a child or young person grieves after the death of a loved one will be influenced by several factors, including: age, gender, their developmental stage, personality, the ways they usually react to 'big feelings’, their relationship with the person who has died, earlier experiences of loss or death, family circumstances, how others around them are grieving, the amount of support around them. Babies, children, and teenagers sometimes appear to not be impacted by the loss, and adults may assume that they are not grieving or processing feelings. They are, just in their own ways, which could include changes in behaviour or doing unexpected activities. Babies, children, and teenagers tend to move between grieving and seeming okay; however, they will also be looking for reassurance and comfort from their normal routines and activities. Bereaved children and teenagers require ongoing attention, reassurance and support. It is not unusual for grief to resurface later on, even well after the death. This can happen as they move through different life milestones and develop as individuals. It is all a part of the grieving process. Babies and toddlers At their young age, babies and toddlers do not have the language to explain how they are feeling about death. However, they absolutely experience feelings of loss and separation and are likely to pick up on the anxiety or distress of close adults or others around them. A note here: we use terms like death and dying as clear, simple language - not something to be avoided. Euphemisms like ' passed away' or ' lost' can create confusion, and children might think the person has gone somewhere else or can be found. Being clear helps them understand and prepares them for what’s happening. Common behaviours can include: Looking for the person who has died, feeling irritable, crying more often and more easily, wanting to be held more, clingy, being less active, becoming quiet, less responsive, possible weight loss, feeling jumpy or anxious, feeling fretful, distressed, regression in toileting and sleeping. These are all understandable behaviours, so what can you do to help? How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Offer comfort on their terms; hold and cuddle them more Speak calmly and gently to them – and remain calm yourself Provide comfort items, such as a cuddly toy, a special blanket, etc. Counselling or therapy may also be a good option for your child to better understand their feelings as they learn to manage grief. If this sounds like something you want to explore, contact us today. Preschoolers At this age, children find it hard to understand that death is permanent. They are also at a life stage of strong imaginary thinking. For example, thinking someone will come alive again or thinking that they somehow made someone die. They do understand separation, and will often feel insecure and frightened when the familiar things around them change. This age group needs a lot of reassurance that they will continue to be safe and looked after. Common reactions can include: Looking for the person who has died, dreams, or sensing the presence of the person who has died, fearfulness, anxiety, clinginess, fretful, distressed, irritable, more tantrums, withdrawal, quiet, lack of responses, changes in eating, difficulty sleeping, toileting problems, bed wetting, soiling, regressing in progress, e.g. returning to crawling, wanting a bottle How to help them: Keep routines and normal activities going as much as possible Validate how they feel, tell them you know they are sad, and start to teach them to use words that describe feelings Tell them they are safe, and have someone who is looking after them Reduce separation from them as much as possible Comfort them with hugs, cuddles, holding their hand, and by encouraging them Speak calmly and gently to them – and be calm around them Explain death as part of life, so they come to understand it bit by bit. Using some examples in nature may be helpful, such as watching plants grow, bloom and die, Provide comfort items, such as a cuddly toy, a special blanket, etc. Encourage play – children often can use play to help them process what’s happened, e.g. sand play, puppets, dolls, writing, drawing, painting and different physical activities Navigating grief and loss can be a tough journey for anyone, and helping toddlers and children navigate it can feel impossible. However, with a strong support network and the right tools, it will feel more achievable. There are always resources available, and Skylight offers one-on-one counselling and Matika , our group therapy programme. If this sounds like something you'd like to learn more about;