— Skylight Trust

Everyone's different, but we all get angry sometimes.

Anger is OK - it’s normal, it is part of life, and it is a strong and powerful emotion. We all need help to learn what to do with our angry feelings. This takes time and practice.

We can be angry without hurting or scaring others. Using violence is never OK.

Think about what’s behind your anger - anger is often a response to other underlying feelings, such as hurt, fear, sadness or guilt. Encourage yourself to look for signs that your anger is building and to use ways to wind down, rather than up - distract yourself, find a quiet place, have a plan for when you do feel out of control.

When you are getting angry try to use some of these strategies to try and cool down:

  • walk away
  • do something physical
  • breathe deeply
  • talk it out
  • laugh
  • cry
  • get creative
  • listen to music.

Look after yourself, you will cope much better with anger when are eating properly, well rested, getting enough sleep and exercising.

Be the role model for those around you - teach problem solving skills and how to compromise with others.

Get some extra professional help if anger has become destructive or violent. Anger can make life hard, but learning new skills will help you make positive changes in your life.

When you are managing an angry child or young person - KEEP CALM

  • staying calm doesn’t mean you’re passive and not doing anything. It means keeping your head, while others are losing theirs!
  • take several deep breaths before you respond or sit down for a minute, and remind yourself you are the adult, and that you can manage this situation well
  • take time out until you calm down enough to manage the situation constructively
  • decide not to take what an angry child is saying to you, personally
  • if you say or do something which you hadn’t meant to, say you're sorry and set things right as necessary


Resources Available at Skylight

Skylight is here to help you through difficult times. We can assist you in a variety of ways with information appropriate for your situation. You are welcome to visit us and receive free information and a support pack from our resource centre and borrow books from the specialist library. We also facilitate Professional Development training and offer Counselling support services for children, young people, family/whānau and individuals who are experiencing tough times.

Request a Pack Library

Online Shop

Our online shop features Skylight's own publications and other specialist titles from New Zealand and around the world. Search titles, keywords or category headings by clicking the shop button.