— Skylight Trust

Coping with infertility

Infertility is stressful. Your feelings and reactions will change. Try to understand that you and your partner's experiences may be different. Infertility brings with it a lot of emotional pain, which can invade every aspect of a person's life.

Infertility involves a series of losses - loss of hopes and dreams, loss of control, loss of a positive self-image, loss of privacy, loss of feeling connected, belonging and many more. These losses may be invisible to others. Often, people experiencing infertility feel lonely and isolated from friends, family and sometimes from each other.

Try to focus on the things you can control (the food you eat), rather than those you can't (your age). Talk with your partner about the different options and, as a couple you can plan to work through difficult stages together.

Difficult times

Some social gatherings can be hard to cope with
Prepare for conversations that may be painful, as they can be an opportunity to explain your situation to friends. Be firm and pleasant and try not to be defensive. Just because a question is asked does not mean you have to answer it
You will hear of others who become pregnant while you are not, which may feel unfair
Coping with treatment is also hard, as you do not know what the outcome will be.


A Counsellor can help a couple or an individual feel less alone and can help with finding ways to cope with the emotional pain of infertility.

Support groups may be helpful as others who have been there too may understand what you're going through.

Resources Available at Skylight

Skylight is here to help you through difficult times. We can assist you in a variety of ways with information appropriate for your situation. You are welcome to visit us and receive free information and a support pack from our resource centre and borrow books from the specialist library. We also facilitate Professional Development training and offer Counselling support services for children, young people, family/whānau and individuals who are experiencing tough times.

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