Unhealthy relationships

— Skylight Trust

​Sometimes it can be difficult to identify the signs of being in an unhealthy relationship.

Close relationships can be one of the most important parts of your life. They can bring you happiness and fulfilment, but can also be painful and challenging and sometimes even destructive.

A healthy relationship is built on respect and trust, with honest and open communication, and the freedom for each person to be themselves.

In a healthy relationship:

  • you feel comfortable to share your concerns or what is bothering you
  • you respect each other
  • you are considerate towards each other
  • you make compromises to meet each other's needs
  • you are supportive of each other and encourage one another in a positive and constructive way
  • you respect each other's privacy
  • you give each other space.

What's an Unhealthy Relationship?

A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behaviour. People in these relationships sometimes mistake these behaviours, as meaning they care more, feeling they should be flattered by their partners actions. Think of a couple where one partner is very jealous. It may seem like that person really cares. But, excessive jealousy and controlling behaviour, are not signs of affection.

When someone in a relationship uses verbal insults (mean language, nasty putdowns, name calling), gets physical (hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling), or forces someone into sexual activity - this is verbal, physical and sexual abuse.

Does your partner:

  • get angry when you don't drop everything for them?
  • criticise the way you look or dress, and say you'll never be able to find anyone else who would date you?
  • keep you from seeing whānau, friends or from talking to others?
  • want you to quit an activity, even though you love it?
  • ever raise a hand when angry, like they are about to hit you?
  • try to force you to engage in unwanted sexual activity?

If you have answered yes, to any of these questions, please seek support so you can make the best decisions for your own well-being. Places that can help you are:

Women Refuge

Are you ok?


Shakti International

For further information please see the attachments and links.

Resources Available at Skylight

Skylight is here to help you through difficult times. We can assist you in a variety of ways with information appropriate for your situation. You are welcome to visit us and receive free information and a support pack from our resource centre and borrow books from the specialist library. We also facilitate Professional Development training and offer Counselling support services for children, young people, family/whānau and individuals who are experiencing tough times.

Request a Pack Library

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